know me, clinton cave

eight

It hurt me, seeing his name graveled into stone. Regan Gabriel Russo

The date he was born to the day he left me. The day I wish I could take back. I cry as I sit on my knees, talking to the stone and grass. "I also remember the one time, you taught how to ride a skateboard, because I wanted to impress my middle school crush and join his group." I sigh as tears fall to the ground

"Reggae, I'm sorry. I really am, how I wish a million times, that it would be me instead of you." I sigh to catch my breath from crying, "You kept me from learning about the real world, about the drugs and the alcohol. the addictions, you wanted to keep me away from that. Now, look where I'm steering myself." I sigh before pulling out my phone.

I went to photos and I saw a picture of him from a years ago. His long dirty blonde hair in a bun, with me in his arms, his suitcase by his feet, I smile at the picture and tears began flowing to my cheeks, "The day you came home from college. I remember that, it was Christmas break, and you wanted to surprise me. I cried that day, I couldn't let go of you..." I sigh, "I wish I could spend one more moment with you. Just for a few hours, even." I sigh before cleaning my face with my sweatshirt selves and standing, "I miss you Reagan." Memories come flooding back, and my knees grow weak. "I can't leave you. I just can't."

Moments later as I'm talking to Reagans gravestone about how we used to fight and all fights ended up with laughter and sorry, Alexandria pulls me back to the car.

"Why Alex. Why?" I yell as she shuts the back seat door, "because, you need to move on. It's killing you." she says as she drives out of the parking lot.

Her words echoed in my head, making 'moving on' sound so easy, like it's just something you can do overnight

"Don't let me come back here ever again..." I said to her, having no emotions, but the deep dark hole that's now going to cover Reagan's memories

"Why?" She asked

"because, like you said... I need to have the life reagan would of wanted me to have." I sigh, "and that's starting with me not coming back here."