Insignificance

Preparations

You must have been sitting there with your mouth popped open in shock for hours, but it was only seconds before your mother took her turn speaking.

"You must not let your rash attitude get in the way of
this for us, Y/N"

You knew you would be married off some day. It was the way things worked for female royalty and daughters of high ranking politicians. But to the supreme fucking leader? The man who had the emotional capacity of a hormone enraged teen?  The man who would kill his own soldiers for no other reason than his own frustration? Of course your parents would offer you up for something like this. Of course they would. You knew the disdain for you would grow immensely if you were not chosen, but you didn't really care. It was your one hope in this predicament, perhaps just a few useless days spent on a cold base. You could stomach it, you guessed.

"I know mother, I will try not to disappoint you or our people"

Why did your brother have to be there for this? Sitting there smug, happy to be rid of you so the golden boy he was could truly shine. He would never have to be married off to anyone, someone would be married off to him and he knew the lack of control drove you mad. You decided to remove yourself from the table, no longer hungry, desperate to get to the peace of your room.

You offered a please excuse me and rushed down the halls to your destination, where you knew your trusty body guard and part time lover would be waiting for you.

"Blue!" You called, seeing him stand there in his black armored outfit, tall, slim but muscular, light brown hair gently curled around his temples kissing his perfectly olive skin. His green eyes were speckled with gold, strong jawline and small but perfect lips. Your arms wrapped around his neck, your heart beating a out of your chest.

"Y/N, what was that all about? You usually tell me when you've been up to no good! They seemed in great moods this morning!"

"They are, elated to finally be rid of me. They have offered me as a potential bride to the supreme leader, I leave tomorrow to compete for my spot as empress apparently."

His pulled you back, his face searching yours, obviously upset at such news.  You weren't in love with Blue, but he was one of your closest friends. He had been assigned to you a year ago after completing his training, and you had easily hit it off. He was the first and only man you had access to be intimate with, and you would be lying if you said you didn't take advantage. " I know this is a lot to take in," you said, but he probably won't choose me anyway, too much of a brat" He chuckled at this and kissed your forehead. " well that's the truth if I have ever heard it, but still, I want you to be safe. Kylo Ren has a reputation for not handling disrespect well" He looked worried. " I'll be good! I promise" and with that you excused yourself to have a mild panic attack in the sanctuary of your room.

Your mind was racing a million miles an hour, expectations, fear, doubt, Blue. You and blue had an agreement, everything went besides actual sex. It was an archaic rule for high ranking daughters to remain "pure" for their future husbands. The thought disgusted you, but your parents instilled in you that if you broke the rule, they would know, so you played it safe as far as they were concerned. You wondered if these indiscretions would bother the supreme leader, you kind of hoped it would. Your father wasn't any king, but a supreme chancellor on your peaceful home planet of Lah'Mu which provided great soil and trade for the first order. Expectations of you were always an extreme. Being rebellious didn't help your cause.

You sat on your bed and looked around your room, branding the images in your mind in the slim chance it wouldn't be yours anymore. The soft blues and golds of your bedding and drapes, the cold marbled floors, your handed down vanity with a crack in the mirror, everything that was familiar and "home". 

What on earth were you supposed to pack for starkiller base? You know it wasn't the warmest, you also knew you liked decisions, so you scrambled around shoving every fine gown in your Arsenal in the luggage. It was a palette of mostly black, a few red, and one pink.

By the time you were done your dinner was delivered by droid, you had a long shower and crawled into bed drifting off into a restless sleep.