Bella POV
Dear diary,
How was your day? People ask.
Terrible. Horrible. I want to cut.
I'm fine. I say. In reality I'm far from fine. Being fine means not suicidal. I remember in eighth grade when I thought I was okay. Then The Accident happened. It was icy and my grandmother wasn't looking and crash. Two car accidents, being beaten, watching someone get shot in the head, watching someone be beaten, rapes, and more. All PTSD. Nobody bothers asking anymore. There's so many reasons why I'm not okay. PTSD, three major depressive disorders, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, dyslexia, and I'm on the autism spectrum. Barely made it, but yes. I am. I remember bringing in my meds when I was in the group home. The kids thought it was my lunch. They also thought I was fat. Speaking of being a whale, I lost twenty pounds in two weeks. I'm finally as skinny as a bikini model. Finally 106 pounds.
I looked at the skin sagging on my stomach. The only bad thing about anorexia is that after you loose so much weight your skin gets loose. I needed surgery. I needed to be beautiful.
Sometimes I wonder if its a joke. Liam and me? Seriously, Liam could have whoever he wanted. He's so beautiful. His touch makes my insides light up with happiness, burning sensation that sears into my sinew. I trusted. I just trusted. It was the same when I fall in love. I trust that they love me and then I hate myself for believing my heart. His touch. His gentle touch, that makes me want to cry. Even though I feel like its a joke, this is the happiest I've been in so long. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe I'm insane.
YOU ARE READING
I Hate You, Please Don't Leave
FanfictionIt was a day after Bella's suicide attempt. It seemed hopeless even for her friends, but then they came. Five boys in a band who could be what Bella needs to save her life, unless she's too broken
