The Golden God.

Knight.

You are The Golden God, a knight living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a steel longsword and a wooden shield. You are on a quest to defeat the evil dragon of Larion. You've heard he lives up at the north of the kingdom. You set on the path to defeat him and walk into a dark forest. As you enter the forest you see a horrible beast lying in wait. It is much larger than you and appears to be a giant bear with legs. It walks towards you... The monster is you. You piss on it swiftly. Unfortunately, the urine sets alight and you are burnt to a crisp. You come back to life, because of course, you are immortal. You laugh maniacally and continue your journey. You piss on some trees. They are actually sentient trees that set alight to match the bear monster that is lurking nearby. You take a swig out of your flask of water and throw the rest of it on the flames. You piss once again, setting the entire area ablaze. You leave the forest as it is consumed by fire. You arrive at a castle. A giant stands in front of the castle, he appears to be carved out of stone. You piss on the giant, melting it. You enter the castle. You arrive at a city. A large beast, which appears to be a lion, is standing in the middle of the city streets. It is currently attacking a group of peasants and merchants. You piss on the lion, murdering it. The peasants cheer and merchants go about their business. You go to a local tavern and buy everyone drinks. You arrive at a farmhouse. A beautiful girl lies in bed, you think she is about your age. You piss on her. You have no time for this. You are the Golden God. You go downstairs to find some wine. You find a huge stash, the peasants and merchants of the city seem to have been hiding from the King. You leave the city with the stolen goods. You piss into the wine bottles. You leave the farmhouse with the stolen wine. You arrive at the edge of a cliff. A large city lies at the bottom of a large cliff. You jump off the cliff, using magical wings made entirely out of piss. You make a crash landing, and begin scaling the cliff face with the wine. You arrive at a cave. You see a beautiful witch standing by a campfire. You piss on the witch. She is burnt to a crisp. You continue into the cave, where you see a bear beastmen who appears to be a large bear standing in front of a magic portal. It looks directly at you and growls. You piss on him. He is instantly burnt to a crisp. You enter the portal. You wake up, standing over the bear beastman's corpse. You take some of the wine and drink it. You eat the urine-soaked corpse. It tastes terrible, but it's the only thing you have to eat. You're too hungry to care. You fall asleep, waking up in the middle of the night. You piss yourself. You fall back to sleep. You wake up in the morning. You have no idea where you are. You might be in the Craxil's territory. You piss. You find the stream and piss into it. You know you're already going to have to drink the water after you've purified it, but it's worth a try. You piss into the stream even more. You become a human piss fountain. The water has all been replaced with piss. The fish have died. You go back to the cave and leave the Craxil's territory, heading further into the Craxil's lands. You find a small stream, and begin to drink. You piss into it, until there is no more water. You drink the piss. It's exactly like drinking normal water. You're getting close to the Craxil's lands. You see a small campsite in the distance. A single Craxil warrior sits outside, cleaning his weapons. You waltz over to him, doing a funny dance, and piss on him. He looks up, annoyed. You piss even more. The puddle begins to steam, and you begin to smell a bad smell. You start dancing faster. The puddle's bad smell begins to turn into a worse smell, as the puddle begins to smoke. You laugh maniacally as the piss pile sets on fire, your dancing becoming frenzied. The fire rapidly spreads to the puddle, and you move away to avoid being burned. You feel like your soul is being ripped out of your body as you sprint towards the campsite. You piss. The Craxil rises from his sleep, startled by the sound of you pissing. He starts to grab for his weapon, but you kick him in the head. You piss all over him. He likes it. Everyone likes it. Everyone loves being pissed on. He grabs for his bow, but you punch him in the face. You pull out your sword and begin to swing it. He grabs an arrow and shoots it at you. You piss on him until he dies. Everyone loves it when you piss on people. Everyone loves it when you kill people. You pull out your dagger and begin to stab him. He grabs your dagger and breaks it. You piss even more, drowning him. He tries to scream, but the water's bad. It kills him. You kill him, and everyone loves it when you kill people. You love killing people. You love pissing on people. Piss is love. Piss is life. Piss is joy. Piss is power. Pissing on people makes you powerful. You run through the woods, pursued by several mounted Craxil warriors. You piss on every last one of them. You love killing them. You love pissing on them. You love how it feels. You feel powerful. You feel great. You feel like dying. You laugh. You feel like dying. Suddenly, you're hit by a javelin to the back. You scream as you fall off your horse and onto the ground. You piss all over the horse, getting up. You're confused. Who would want to kill you? You laugh, thinking it's funny that you're being killed when you were having such a great time before. You look up, to see several other riders. You walk over to the riders, dancing like a crab of sorts, pissing. You laugh maniacally, thinking that this is all funny. You're grabbed by the hair and pulled up. You scream. You struggle to escape your bonds, but it's no use. You piss desperately. You scream. You laugh. The leader of the group turns to you. "Why do you find this so amusing, wretch?" he asks in a low growl. You laugh. You piss on him, not answering him. He grabs a sword from one of the other riders and holds it to your throat. "Stop laughing," he hisses. "You find this funny, Craxil? This... abomination?" You piss on his sword, melting it. He slams you into the ground and severs your head. You laugh as blood pours from your neck stump, and your laughter continues until your head is hacked off and you die. But you don't die. You're immortal. You get up, scaring them. You take your head, throwing it at the Craxil. They all scream and scatter. You laugh, running at them with swords raised. You strike down all those who stand in your way. You piss on their corpses. You love their corpses. You love the sweet taste of their blood and flesh. You love the fact that you're killing them. You love the fact that you're living. You love everything. You love piss.