The Golden God.

Detective.

You are The Golden God, a detective living in Chicago. You have a pistol and a police badge. You enter the forest where you believe the criminal you're searching for fled to. Suddenly, you spot a figure hiding behind a tree. It's your wanted criminal, El Gato! You raise your pistol and fire, but El Gato is quick. You tackle him to the ground, pissing on him. He attempts to shoot you in the face, but you deflect the bullet with your head. You attempt to shoot him, but he knocks the gun out of your hand. You shoot him with your piss bullets. El Gato falls to the ground, pissing blood. He attempts to reach for his knife, but you kick it away. El Gato: "You're too late, f*cker. The bird is gone." You piss on him. "Fuck the bird." El Gato grabs your leg and attempts to bite it. You kick him in the face, then knee him in the stomach. El Gato collapses on the ground, coughing blood. You piss on his dying body. "This is for The Lost Tribe." You leave the forest, leaving a dying man behind you. You walk to a nearby river and throw El Gato's knife into it. You walk away from the river, staring at the sun. You piss into the river. You hear a scream from a distance. You see a figure running down the street, naked and screaming. It's El Gato's crazy Native American sidekick, Silver Bear. You tackle him to the ground, pissing on him. "This is for the bird." You get up and walk away. Your next case is trying to find a man who murdered his sister and her entire family. You find him huddled in a corner of a local tavern, drunk as a skunk. You approach him slowly. He tries to grab your sword, but he's too weak. "Say hello to the f*cking devil." You say. You swing and behead him. The tavern owner applauds. You piss on the tavern owner. "And this is for The Lost Tribe." You leave the tavern and set out to find the next criminal. A short, ugly, smelly man steps out of the bushes. You piss on him. "And this is for the tribe." You leave the forest, heading to the next town. Soon, you're in a bustling city. You find yourself at a busy street corner. You piss on everyone who passes. "And this is for The Lost Tribe." A man wearing a bright red cloak steps into the street. You step aside. "Sorry." The Kishak walks forward and raises his hand. You piss on The Kishak. "And this is for the tribe." A carriage drives by, with a bald man sitting inside. You piss on him. "And this is for The Lost Tribe." Soon, your feet are killing you. You piss on your feet until they're revived. "And this is for the tribe." You step outside of the city, staring at the trees. Soon, you find yourself at the edge of a large forest. You piss yourself. "And this is for the tribe." Suddenly, a bird with a broken wing soars overhead. You go to the forest and walk deeper in it. Suddenly, you spot something on the ground. You piss on it. "For The Lost Tribe." You continue to walk into the forest. Suddenly, you spot a small cabin in the trees. You head towards it. Suddenly, a horn is sounded. You scream and piss. "For the bird!" You enter the cabin and find a half dozen men, holding bows and arrows. "Who are you?" One asks. You piss on him. "I'm the bird." The men laugh. "Well, we're the Hunters. You're our prisoner." "What do you want with me?" The men continue to eye you nervously. You piss on them. "For the tribe." The men eye you nervously. Suddenly, one speaks up. "We're being attacked. Come, defend the camp!" They raise their bows and shoot at the shadows. You scream. You piss on the shadows. "For the tribe." Soon, the horn is sounded again. The men rush out of the cabin and into the forest. You scream. "I'm not a warrior!" You piss until you become a warrior. "And this is for the tribe!" The men continue to run. You scream. "I'm not a warrior!" You piss until you become a warrior. "And this is for the tribe!" You piss on the men. "And this is for the tribe!" You raise your sword and stab one of the men running away. You laugh. "I am a warrior." You run forward and cut down another man. You laugh. Your sword is covered with piss. You call it the Blade of Piss. You take a deep breath. You scream. "I am a warrior!" You laugh and fall to one knee, laughing. You have found the Tribe of the Lost. You piss on the entire tribe. "And this is for the tribe." You laugh. Suddenly, a man comes out of the trees. He's tall, and easily as wide as two men side by side, with huge, large muscles. You piss on his knees. "And this is for the tribe." He screams and falls to one knee, laughing. You laugh. "And this is for the tribe." He screams and falls to one knee, laughing. You laugh. "And this is for the tribe." He screams and falls to one knee, laughing. You laugh. "And this is for the tribe." The man walks forward. Your urine covers his face. "And this is for the tribe." He raises his large axe. "And this is for the tribe." He swings the axe, cutting through your neck. You piss on his axe. "And this is for the tribe." The last thing you see is his massive, pissed on face as he cuts through your head. You come back to life because you're immortal, duh. You walk forward. "I am immortal, duh." You scream. "Of course I'm immortal!" You laugh. "Of course I'm immortal!" You scream. You start doing a frenzied dance. "Of course I'm immortal!" You laugh. "Of course I'm immortal!" Suddenly, The Creature appears in front of you. "I am The Creature." The creature stares at you. You piss on The Creature. "Of course I'm immortal!" The Creature disappears. You laugh. "Of course I'm immortal." "Of course I'm- GAY." You scream as loud as you can. Suddenly, the horn is sounded. "We have a warrior!" "HAHAHHAHAA I'M A WARRIOR." You scream as loud as you can. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a hunter!" "I am a hunter!" You scream as loud as you can. "I'M A FISH TOO." You scream as loud as you can. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a cook!" "I am a cook!" You scream as loud as you can. "I'M A CAR TOOOOO." You scream as loud as you can. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a chieftain!" You stop screaming. "I am a chieftain." The man comes out. You piss on the man. "And this is for the tribe." The man screams as he soaks up the urine. "I am a chieftain." You laugh and continue to scream. "And this is for the tribe." "And this is for. G-" "GOOGLE CHROME." You scream as loud as you can. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a child!" You walk forward. "I am a child." A girl comes out. You piss on the girl. "And this is for the tribe." "And this is for the tribe!" You scream. "And this is for the tribe!" The girl screams as loud as she can. "Good girl." You pet her. "And this is for the tribe." The girl smiles and runs off. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a hunter!" You laugh and walk forward. "I am a hunter." "I'm high off of WEED!!!" You scream as loud as you can. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a child!" You laugh and walk forward. "I am a child." A little boy comes out. You eat the little boy. "And this is for the tribe." "And this is for the tribe!" The boy screams as loud as he can. "And this is for the tribe!" You scream as loud as you can. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a cook!" "I am a cook!" You scream as loud as you can. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a child!" You laugh and walk forward. "I am a child." A little girl comes out. You eat the little girl. "And this is for the tribe." "And this is for the tribe!" The little girl screams as loud as she can. "And this is for the tribe!" You scream as loud as you can. You stop screaming and piss. "And this is for the tribe." Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a child!" You laugh and walk forward. "I am a child." A little boy comes out. You hit the person blowing the horn. "You forgot to sound the horn for that one." Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a hunter!" You kill the person blowing the horn. "Of course you did." Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a priest!" You laugh and walk forward. "I am a priest." Soon, the horn is sounded again. You fucking murder everyone. Soon, the horn is sounded again. "We have a midwife!" "I am a midwife!" You scream as loud as you can.Soon, the horn is sounded again. The loop never ends.