I study rainbows

Bitter sweet

{Carlos POV}

It was bittersweet helping TK through his withdrawal. It brought back memories I haven't dealt with yet... They say time is the best healer but I choose a tattoo instead. On my upper left arm is a yellow rose. Half of it is in an ice cube while the other half is underneath a sun. In memory of my sister.
She had two sides of her. I got to see both sides over time because she came to me after he would beat her almost to death sometimes , our family never did. Her husband was a junkie and that asshole dragged her down with him. When they first got married she was a vibrant yellow rose underneath the sun , blowing in the wind. Until he had an accident and got injured at work , he got addicted to his pain pills and she had no idea until it was to late. When Emily tried to get him off of them he started beating her. The man she loved changed forever after that accident. Ever since that day, she had become frozen in time just taking his beatings. My frozen yellow rose.
The asshole didn't even give us his condolences, I mean he beats women I should expect anything less of him. He's not even a man.

She was the best little sister anyone could have, smart , a great secret keeper, loving , very kind. My sweet Emily, I miss her everyday.
Wounds like this don't ever go away, you just learn to deal with them.

I cried for 1 hour when Emily died then forced myself to stop, if I didn't I would have been crying all day. Healing and taking mental health days is unheard of in my family. They don't believe in things like that but Emily did. She was the hybrid out of us. She was spontaneous while I was calculated.She was care free while I was worried. Total opposites that met in the middle to connect so deeply.

To my sweet Emily , you didn't deserve to die how you died. Yes we will all die at one point but Emily it wasn't your time. We both know it.
I prayed for your freedom every night but you still choose to stay, I prayed for your strength but you choose not to accept it.
I would pick you up from wherever he left you , patch you up and let you sleep at my place no questions asked , that was my fault. I let you get comfortable coming around me with bruises. What type of big brother am I when I couldn't protect you. All I had in this world at one point was you. All we had was each other ... how did things go so wrong.

When I took the job to be a police officer we went out to celebrate, you even bought me a cake with a badge on it. I'll never forget that day Emily, You were the first person I told because I knew you would support me.

Your death brought me closer with mom and dad , made them realize that life is short , they don't accept me but they want me in their lives. I try my best with them because I know that is what you would want from me. I try my best to be what you would want me to be now that you are gone since I couldn't protect you while you were here.

I don't deserve a sister like you. I didn't at least , maybe that's why god took you away from me. I just wasn't ready for him to pull you back up into heaven yet.

I wished I would have known how to handle you better while you were with me , maybe you would have been able to stay just a little while longer if I had.

I wake up to TK still on my chest ,even with him here , my chest is still tight from my thoughts.

I slowly remove TK's arm from around my waist , getting off the bed while trying not to wake him. I get half of my body off when he rolls back over on my arm. I smiled a little at his cuteness , I used my free arm to tuck a pillow where my arm is and quickly switch the two.

I head into the kitchen to see eggs bacon and grits in the warmer above the stove. He also left a note

" Morning papi, how did you sleep? Just wanted to keep my end of our deal. Thank you for always supporting me , through everything okay byeee❤️"