I study rainbows

River of relief.

Carlos POV:

"Oh shit Carlos, I didn't know you were even here. I missed you, I thought you would be here by 9:30 tops. Were you busy?" I just looked at him blinking a few times to see if he was real.  I reach my arms out touching his hair and he smiles up at me. I relax not even remembering to answer his question.

I pull him in for a hug and he hugs me back just as tightly, without flinching might I add. I put my face in his hair breathing in the vanilla scent from his shampoo. That dream felt so much like real life, I swear I felt the fabric when I was tying the bows on his gown in it.

"I need to talk to you,but right now I just need to stay in this moment with you for a second." He looks up at me nodding as we rock slowly back and forth in the middle of his hospital room.

"Thank you for existing." He said quietly as we rocked, I rubbed his back he's so strong. We both are that's why we were meant to be together we are the extra 10% added to our own 100%.

"Thank you for trusting me wholeheartedly. With your mind, your body, your past , your secrets and your fears. You are truly one of a kind and I'm so blessed I'm able to call you mine and love you.I am madly in love with you and I realize that our jobs put us in harm's way everytime we leave our houses but I just want you to know how strong you are. You make me want to be better because you only deserve the best. I'm sorry that sometimes I'm not able to hold you when you need it with our long hours were both so tired sometimes we forget to say I love you too eachother before we fall asleep. But I promise to say it to you everyday from now on. You are the sunshine in my night TK Strand , and I need you to know that."  I wipe the tears that have fallen staining his beautiful face.

I grab a tissue and wipe his face once again. He frowns at me starting to cry again when I kiss his forehead. My emotional baby, I love him so much.

"I don't know what to say Carlos, you make me so happy I can't even explain it."

I nod, still wiping his face gently. "And you don't have to either. Come on let's get out of here so we can go home and talk."

He nods at me zipping his jacket up, we walk to the front desk signing the discharge papers. He grabs them, initialing them and we walk to the exit heading for my car. I opened his door for him, helping him get in since his arm was still bothering him.

"Good?" I say as he sits in the car adjusting the seat and he nods back at me smiling softly, "Yes, good. Thank you."

I jog across the front of the car, seating myself in the driver's seat. I reach to put one hand on his thigh, but I quickly pull my hand away remembering he might still be under the influence of the drugs.

I grip the wheel with both hands to stop myself from touching him at all. It's better this way until I tell him what happened this morning.

I feel him staring at me , his eyes bruning a hole through my head as I drive towards my house. I ignore him though knowing if I look at him he's going to ask why I'm gripping the steering wheel as tightly as I am. My knuckles were quickly turning white from the harsh grip.

I lossen it hoping he would look away from me once he saw and would drop the conversation. I pull into my driveway stopping in the middle of the circle locking the door. I get out quickly to open his door and help him out.

I carried him into the house not wanting to risk anything happening to him while he was walking up the stairs. I put him down once we were at the front door. He unties his shoes after putting his keys in the bowl. I watch him making sure nothing happens and once he's done I do my own.

He walked into the kitchen, while I sat down in the living room. I think better of it though going into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I look in the mirror thinking to myself. This is going to be the worst part. Telling him how I thought it was him responding to me and that it was really the drugs. I spit out my toothpaste, rinsing my mouth and leaving the bathroom.