I study rainbows

Don't hide your pain from me

{ TK POV}

Carlos was quiet after I said we were both hot , he was just gazing out at the stars through the window on his ceiling.

I looked at him, seeing how tired he really was softly touching the bags under his eyes wondering when he last got more than 8 hours of sleep. My poor papi, he was stressed out all day and didn't tell anyone , not even me until it was all over.

Doesn't he know he stresses himself out more by doing that? It's very beneficial to talk through what's happening in your life or what you are dealing with.

I rub his eyebrows just wanting to caress his face any way that I can. I'm still playing with his hair , trying to take his mind off of whatever other bad news he wasn't telling me.

As much as I want to keep the peace , I need to tell him how I feel. I don't want him to feel like he has to bottle up his feelings because I won't be able to handle it or I have my own things going on. I need him to know I will always support him no matter what he is going through and that I will always be here for him.

No.matter.what.

Anything mental health related is important to me.

Shit, anything important to him is important to me too. Anything or anyone. He needs to know he doesn't have to go through things like this alone.

I was once in a horrible mental and physical state as well and all I yearned for was someone to listen without asking questions, so I'll be that for him until he doesn't need me too.

" Papi, you don't have to keep everything inside. I am here for you okay? No matter what. Here for your good days , bad days , neutral days even the horrible ones. I will be here. You want to know why? Because you are my everything ok. I have told you this before , I'm not letting you go. You are stuck with me. In being with me , I am going to take care of you mentally and physically baby. I don't want you to hide your pain. Don't hide your pain from me. Don't hide your pain at all, especially not around me. I won't ever judge you alright. You told me you like mustard and I didn't judge you so why would I start now?" I said trying to lighten the mood at the end , but very much serious about everything I just said. I looked him in his eyes while I was saying it too so he can see how sincere I was.

He gave me a look that made me feel like my heart was breaking in 2 as he spoke his next words

" You sound much like my sister. She would love to meet you, I know she would love you , maybe more than she loves me" he said smiling sadly. I beam at his words , If I sound like her we probably act alike.

"I like her already , I would love to meet her."

He looked at me then looked away again, I knitted my eyebrows together, did I say something wrong ?

" She passed away about a year ago, you won't be able to meet her." I blinked back my tears at his voice. He wasn't over his sister's death , maybe today was the anniversary of her death and that's why he was off? I thought.

I rub his chest , trying to help him get his breathing pattern back to normal. I move my hands back to his face cupping his cheeks and softly rub them like a mini massage. I watch him close his eyes and one lone tear slides down his cheek.

I wiped it quickly not wanting him to put his walls up again. I just want to kiss his pain away. I started playing in his hair again and looked at this beautiful man I get to call mine. Flaws and all I feel like he is my person.

 

We're we moving too fast? I mean I did just get out of a relationship with Alex the asshole. No Carlos was nothing like Alex and I knew that.