The Heart Of Life

Chapter 4

When it comes to Se-ri's well being, Jeong-hyuk loses all rationality. The torment is familiar - standing helpless in front of the ICU, willing for her to live and watching her fight for her life was one hell of a ride - the recurring image haunting him as he drives to the hospital, fingers shaking, his grip on the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles are white.

After pulling the car over at the hospital's parking lot, with hands folded on the steering, resting his forehead over them, he breaths in and out to calm his beating heart. But he's still shaking.

He wants to see her. Needs to see her. But he knows the stirring unrest deep within his chest will not diminish until he finds out what had happened. At least he's able to steel himself from whatever trials and tribulations that's being thrown their way - to mask his emotions and be her wall of support.

Jeong-hyuk realises he could have made a phone call to his mother-in-law, but the pain will be too much to bear if - if, no, he can't bring himself to think about it, and his legs feel like it's about to buckle under pressure.

It doesn't take him long to find the doctor that's in charge of Se-ri and it's only when he hears the doctor say, they're both fine, that he's able to breath.

"It was definitely contractions, plus the baby's heartbeat was slightly higher than normal," the obstetrician informs him, "but the good news is, the contractions have stopped after the medication that we have given her," he continues, holding a comforting smile.

Closing his eyes, Jeong-hyuk exhales out loud, acknowledging the ease that's spreading through him. The books say that the mother's emotions can affect the baby as well - and there's a little inkling that she's been worrying about him, a lot.

"She'll be able to go home tomorrow," the doctors says, patting his shoulder, and leaves.

Jeong-hyuk takes a moment to gather his emotions, leaning against the wall outside her room. Despite the doctor's reassurance, he still needs to see for himself, to ensure that she's safe and sound.

Pushing open the door, his gaze falls on her at the same time she turns her attention to him. She stills. Sitting on the hospital bed, she's looking so small and vulnerable that it incites a deep anguish in his chest.

He steps forward, watching the wide range of emotions crossing her beautiful face - from disbelief to relief and joy, clear eyes shining with tears. And then he's moving to her in large strides, tugs her close, gentle, tentative, as if afraid she would break in his embrace, and rests his head lightly by her neck.

Her mother slips out quietly from the room to give them a moment.

Jeong-hyuk's quiet for a while, insides rumbling with turmoil, before finding his voice, "Yoon Se-ri," his voice choking with rising emotions, eyes closed, a single tear rolling down his cheek, "I've only been away for two weeks, and you ended up in the hospital." He feels her hands bunching into his sweater in a tenacious hold, and he surrenders to her gentle push of her hands against his back, and hugs her tighter.

"You must have been so afraid." He blames himself. He should have been there for her.

She was. But she was more afraid for the life of their child rather than her own. It had been long since she was this afraid; when she landed in North Korea, when he took a bullet for her, when he crossed the border with handcuffs and a whole convoy that looked like they were going to assassinate him once they disappeared into the deep ends of the forest. Most importantly, she was more afraid of how disappointed he would be if anything had happened to their child.

And just like that, Se-ri crumbles into pieces. "I'm sorry Ri Jeong-hyuk -ssi," she mutters, as a ragged sob escapes her.

Pulling away, Jeong-hyuk holds her cheek with a tender touch, fixes her with a wistful gaze, thumb wiping away her tears, reading the warmth of her skin. "It's never your fault. Never." He always had that effect on her, quelling her self-reproach and guiding her to wholeheartedly accept that it isn't her fault when things go wrong.