Ebony Musings

Strong Black Woman

I absolutely despise this stereotype. Okay despise is a strong word, but I definitely don't love it. It's not because I don't think that black women are strong--quite the opposite really--I think black women are amongst some of the strongest people on earth. We go through the type of discrimination that is a complete contrasts to others.

We are constantly misrepresented in the media. Coined to be loud, sassy, aggressive, shallow, slutty, ghetto. People are always eager to label and judge us.  The truth is I don't care if people are any of those things, but I just don't appreciate people automatically assuming that I'm something that I'm not, solely based on my skin colour.

In the sixth grade, my teacher constantly used the word sassy to describe me. I distinctly remember one time I answered some question and she sarcastically snapped her fingers in a Z formation and said, "the sass, wow." In truth all that I had done was answer a question, maybe I said it a certain way or had a look on my face, but I certainly hadn't said it with the intention to be sassy. What I'm trying to say, is that things black women do or say can be misinterpreted simply because of pre-existing notions of what a black woman is like. And it's toxic. 

I know I'm young and naive and whatever but as someone who is female I was forced to grow quickly and as a female who is black that speed was doubled. I quickly realized that no matter what I do people are going to see me in a different way than I want to be seen. I'll be the butt end of dumb racist jokes, and the subject on conversations surrounding anything that has to do with people of colour. I'm constantly getting asked stupid questions like, "would you ever date a white guy?" or "why are you so quiet? Aren't black people supposed to be loud?" or "Do you know her/him?" in regards to a random black person across the street. I've never really seen skin colour as an obstacle, I'm opened to dating people of other races, in fact I'm more worried that my skin colour would be a problem for them. I'm an ambivert, depending on the setting or the people I'm surrounded by I act differently. Being quiet or loud it has nothing to do with me being black and everything to do with who you are as a person and who I am as a person. And no, I don't know that random black person you pointed at, brave of you to assume that I know every black person in a city that has the population of just over 1 million. 

I love watching movies and reading books about these inspirational black women. I love hearing their voices and their stories. But I think we're approaching this all wrong. I think we are creating an illusion for the world. That all black women must be strong, and sassy, and outspoken. They must be proud and sultry.  And they're not bad traits to have, but the fact is there is more than one type of black woman. We are not all so formidable. Some of us are broken. Some of us are quiet. Some of us rather be away from the spotlight and let someone else do the talking. And there's nothing wrong with that. 

What is wrong, is the notion that we must be strong all the time. It feels as though we are not allowed to break. As though to be quiet is a sin. To be shy a rejection of ones self. We need to open up the adjectives that describe black women. I want to see books and movies about a black woman whose a bookworm, or one who is quiet and withdrawn. I want to see more diversity in the way we are presented and described. Because we are so much more than strong and we are so much more than black.

Adios y gracias,

Gogo