that kind of love // m.p.

chapter 15

I'm home now. It's been a few days sense I left the hospital, and walking comes naturally. It still hurts a little bit nothing compared to the first few days. I was struggling. This apartment was now full of memories with bad people, and bad things happening to the good people. I want going to move out tho. This has been my home for over 4 years. Mattia is always with Carly... It's hard.

I don't know it's like we had so much history and to that he just found Carly at this time? Right when we had our chemistry restarting. It sucks for me. I just thought....nevermind he has every reason to be mad at me. I killed our baby...and I hate myself because of it. It's sad knowing we would most definitely be still together if it weren't for me thinking without anyone's onions. Hell, or baby might still be alive if it weren't for me. We could have had a home together. Where dinner started at four, and we would have dessert and eat ice with our kids and watching home movies from New Jersey.

I snapped out of my thoughts and went back to scrolling on my computer. I was looking for flowers as the decorations for the mini tables, when I got a text on my phone. I picked it up and saw it was from Kairi.

Kairi
Hey sis, I know I'm distant nowadays and I don't know when I'm gonna see you again but I miss you. I think about you all the time and...I'm sorry. back in junior year you had also suffered a heartbreak. Two actually. I chose to ignore you out of respect for my best friend rather than my own blood. I know things are awkward because we never ended up talking about it but I'm sorry. I truly am. I gotta get to practice, love you.

That last sentence made me chuckle, giving me a slight taste of what high school used to be. I know I never shut up about high school days but I really do miss it. You'll get it when your older. I'd trade a few bad grades and high school drama, over bills and mandatory work hours any day.

The wedding happens to be in 3 weeks, and I'm hoping I make full recovery by then. I got an odd idea. I opened the door, and walked a little down the hall, knocking on Mattias door. It opened, and Mattias smile faded. My heart yearned.

Riley: hey..

Mattia: hi.

Riley: how have you been?

I said as I fiddled with the wire of my IV, that gave me nutrients. Yes, I had to take home an IV, so did he.

Mattia: fine, considering things. you wanna come in?

I smiled softly and nodded. He stepped aside and allowed me to walk in. It smelled like his room in NJ....ha. I took it upon myself and took a seat at the table. I was brought water, and we sat there. Saying nothing. We didn't know what to say. How could we?

Riley: anything excitin-

Mattia: Riley I cant sit here and pretend nothing happened. Like I didn't get stabbed in the stomach and flatline for 30 seconds.

Riley: your right I'm sorry.

Mattia: I mean shouldn't we be able to talk about this?

Riley: true. we've been through far worse, though I think this time we should get through it tog-

Mattia: well those worse events could have been prevented unlike this one.

He blurted out. I stood there, not knowing what to say.

Riley: that's not fair.

I stood up and took my IV with me, heading towards the door. Mattia let out a great, regretful sigh and stood up, talking as he reached for my wrist, to pull back.

Mattia: Riley wait Im sor-

Riley: no! You've made me feel like complete crap about the abortion for years! Years mattia!! It's been 6 fucking years and I still don't feel any better than I did the day I lied in the hospital bed, crying after I woke up from the surgery. I've just gotten better at hiding the pain. And I did it alone. No more. I will NOT allow you to walk all over me about a mistake I regret and would DIE for to reverse. It may have been your child, but it was mine too!! That was a hard decision to make but I wasn't rea-

Mattia: WE WERE TEENAGERS OF COURSE WE WERENT READY BUT YOU DIDNT EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU NEVER TOLD M-

Riley: ITS MY FUCKING BODY!! I WAS SACRIFICING TEN TIMES MORE THAN YOU IF I HAD THAT CHILD! SO IM SORRY I REALLY AM BUT PLEASE STOP FUCKING CHEWING ME OUT FOR IT BECAUSE AT THIS POINT I CAN HARDLY EVEN FUCKING BREATHE!!

I stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door behind me.