that kind of love // m.p.

chapter 20

mattias pov
we giggled as we ate pizza and watched the movie. I may be sad over Riley, but Carly is still my girlfriend. Who I happen to actually like. (bro this is why ur toxic I-💀)

Carly: hey what's got you down? Your sad.

Mattia: oh nothing really. I'm kinda in an argument with an old friend. We go way back and it just kinda sucks, that's all.

Carly: oh I'm sorry. I get how that can be sad, I mean how often did you talk to them?

Mattia: I haven't spoken to them for years but we just got back in touch, and it was kinda nice; but I ruined it because I'm an idiot and now they won't talk to me.

Carly: hey.

She said turning her full attention to me, and grabbing my face.

Carly: you are not an idiot. If it makes you understand anything better, sometimes we don't really appreciate something, until we're told we can't have it.

It made sense, I didn't want it to though. I appreciated her...right?

Carly: Now I'm bored of this movie...

She said smiling as she grabbing my face once more and leaned in for the kiss. I chuckled and kissed back as we leaned back on the couch...

Riley's POV:
I sat on my couch, eating Tai food and watching dramatic reality tv shows as I FaceTimed Noah.

Riley: dude I told you she would go for him!!

Noah: ugh fine how much you want?

Riley: a kiss tomorrow.

He smiled into the camera.

Noah: I can work with that.

After our FaceTime call, I decided instead of getting sleep in, I'd blast music on my speakers and dance around the house. Maybe do a little face mask. I needed to de-stress. I thought about everything, and was honest with myself. That's what Amanda would want me to do.

Do I really wanna move on? It would probably be best to do that, but every time I find myself back into the same cycle, and it's so hard to get out.

I have this great guy, that wants me for me, and Mattia has a girlfriend. So what am I really fighting for?

Then it came to me. My favorite memory of me and mattia, on the beach in San Diego, as I was carried to the water. The screams of laughter and the sound of the waves hitting the shore, and I remembered how happy we were, how happy I was. Then I came back to the present. That's what I was fighting for...

The only problem is that I don't know if that's even there anymore...

All that's really shown, was the downfalls. The fighting and shouting, disagreements, it all adds up horribly and I don't know if it's even worth the good parts of our "relationship".  The stress I'm under is so horrible I've been hospitalized twice within the same week 😐 

I don't even know wether to hold on or let go. My mind is telling me to let go but my heart keeps jerking me back to hold on and let me tell you it's driving me fucking insane. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore...

(lmao sorry this was so short also if you could please write under this comment, good stories? Preferably sad, mattia ones. Thanks:)❤️