The Fighter and His Tiger (Unexpected Love #1)

25. Saturday Week Nine (pt2.)

25. Saturday Week Nine (pt2.)

I don't know how long I cried in Eli's arms for but by the time the sobs had stopped wracking my body I realised that Eli had moved us over to the bench and that it was dark out.

Eli said nothing, just held me as I cried. He didn't whisper that everything was going to be okay because we both knew it wasn't. I had just lost my best friend.

"My break up with Marcus was a lot worse than I let on," I pulled away from Eli as I spoke in a raspy voice, my throne sore from crying. I clambered off his lap so that I was now sat next to him, "there's a lot more to the story."

"I know," Eli reached over to tuck a curl behind my ear.

"I want to tell you the whole story, just not here."

Eli nodded and wordlessly we both gathered our stuff and made our way out of the gym and to his car. Somehow, he knew that I didn't want to go home so he took me back to his.

Neither of us said a word until we were upstairs in his room. He sat on the edge of the bed whilst I was leant against the headboard with my legs bent and my chin resting on my knees. Eli had given me one of his sweatshirts and I found comfort in having his smell cloaking me before I began my story.

— — — — —

Marcus and Noah were on the football team together and that's how we met, at a party in the summer before our Junior year started.

Marcus was sweet and charming at first, everything a high school girl wanted. He was popular, good-looking, smart, and just a little cheeky. I think the thing that drew me to him was the fact that he paid me attention, that I was the girl he liked, he made me feel like a princess — but that didn't last.

We officially started dating about 3 weeks before the first day of school and everything was pretty perfect at the start. Looking back on it, I don't I could say that I was ever in love with Marcus, I never really allowed myself to get close to anyone after my parents died and Marcus never really made the effort to get close to me. But I didn't mind because, at the time, that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to feel loved, but not be loved. I wanted to have the popular boy's attention, but not his affection.

The first time it happened was after his first football game of the season. Marcus has always been a talented running back and so he was part of the high school first team. They lost that first game and I remember that he blamed me for it.

I was a distraction, he said.

That night, when we were alone in his bedroom, arguing, he hit me for the first time.

I don't remember the physical pain, I don't think my brain will allow me too but I remember the shock. The surprise that this boy, who I thought was loving and kind, was beating me.

Marcus was manipulative and he always found a way to make me believe that it was my fault and I never found a reason to disagree with him.

So it continued, for months he hurt me. In every way, he could think of. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.

I remember being tired, all the time. I was in a constant state of just surviving, I guess. Marcus drained me and I found myself with no effort or energy for the people who really loved me and so I pushed them away. I pushed everyone away.

Loneliness became my way of escaping because when I felt alone, I felt truly safe; I didn't have to pretend. Pretend that everything was okay or pretend that everything was my fault. My only way of being at peace with myself was to be alone.

The first person I pushed away was Noah. He knew me better than anyone did and I used the excuse of being in a new, 'exciting' relationship as a way of avoiding him. I don't think it particularly hurt him all that much because he was just coming into himself as a football player so he had a lot going on in his life.

The next people I isolated myself from was the girls. I stopped hanging out with them, eating lunch with them and then just speaking to them altogether. I don't even remember feeling hurt over the loss of my friends because all of me was just numb, all the time.

Hiding myself from my Nan and Tyler was the hardest. They could see me deteriorating, losing myself. I stopped eating and I rarely slept. I always wore baggy clothes to combat the swelling and ounces of makeup to hide the bruises. My Nan just thought I was having a hard time because of my parents, she thought I had hit a bump in the road in dealing with my grief; everyone did. I know now that she was in denial. That she had no idea how to help me or even what to help save me from. She didn't even know I was in a relationship, I was waiting to make sure it was serious before I told her and when I finally decided it was, he made the decision that confirmed my own — telling her would break her.

At least, that's what I told myself. I wanted to believe that everyone thought I was okay, that everyone thought I was fine but I think subconsciously I was aware that they knew, but they just didn't know how to pull me out of the darkness I had found myself in.

Four and a half months I survived with Marcus. Four and a half months I was completely alone. But then there was this one week.

It was a week before we broke up for winter break and Marcus was in an amazing mood — I don't even remember why — but for that week things started to look up for me, I let myself have hope that maybe I could beat this. On Saturday of that week, Marcus decided that we were going to go to a party together, I was ecstatic. I hadn't seen any of my friends in months, I hadn't done anything remotely social in what felt like years. I got all dressed up, Marcus told me I looked nice and I genuinely thought that we could have a fun evening.

When we arrived at the party everything went by smoothly, Marcus had a few drinks, I had the chance to interact with other kids our age. I think the real turning point in that evening was when Noah showed up. Initially, I had no idea that Noah was there but when he did make himself known, I was in the kitchen grabbing a beer for Marcus.

Noah told me how much he missed me, that he loved me, that whatever was going on we could fight it together. And I believed him, I really did. I hugged him, I hugged my best friend for the first time in months and I finally felt a semblance of what I remembered as safe. But, of course, Marcus walked in to see me embracing Noah. Outwardly, he appeared unfazed but I saw the storm brewing in his eyes and I knew I was going to feel the wrath of the hurricane later. Terrified, I fled from the kitchen, finding solace in a quiet bedroom upstairs. I was conflicted, I was desperate to run to Noah and stay with him until I knew that everything was going to be okay but then self-preservation screamed at me to run to Marcus. But then the decision was made for me.

After about ten minutes of peaceful solitude upstairs, Marcus found me. And he was furious.

In all our time together, I had never seen him so angry, so ferocious, but I felt it. I don't remember the pain from the first time he hit me but I most definitely remember the pain from the last time he beat me.

Somewhere between the kicks and the punches, Noah found us. Noah found me. He lost it, pulling Marcus off me and beating the shit out of me. I remember straining my eyes to see what was happening but the pain was unbearable. The last thing I remember before I blacked out was Noah's face, hovering worriedly above my own, but just before my eyes could flutter closed, I begged Noah not to tell anyone.

Two days later, I woke up in the hospital with extensive injuries. I had a broken rib which had pierced a lung along with a broken arm and multiple cuts and bruises littered across my body. Noah had told everyone that he found me like that, beaten and bloody in one of the bedrooms upstairs.

When I was well enough for visitors the first thing he asked me was why I wanted to keep it a secret. I had no definite answer for him but I think it was because I knew that from that point onwards I could be free. I didn't want the sympathy of others and the shame of knowing other people knew to haunt me whilst I recovered, whilst I found myself again.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

pt 3 next