Reality

Chapter 11

 I didn't even go home that night. I was still too shocked. Too hurt even though I should've expected it. But that was the woman I called 'mum' even though she had done nothing to deserve it. I lived in that house. I cleaned it. I was her child. She was my mum, but that night she had instantly become a stranger.

  Did she even remember who I was supposed to be to her? Did she even remember that I was her daughter, or had the alcohol gotten to her? 

The alcohol. 

She had clearly been drinking too much and I only fueled her addiction. I let it happen. I was the reason he was over.

Where was Dad?

There were so many things that were too messed up to even process. My life had fallen apart- I had lost both my parents and was starting to lose my best friend. I was homeless because I didn't want to go home or go to Alfie's and I couldn't even go to Zoe's. Zoe didn't even go home. I had no idea where she lived.

  I had slept in a motel room that the cashier promised me one night out of pity. I couldn't go and ask for it again- one night was too much especially for free. Maybe I'd ask one of my teachers- but at the same time, I didn't want to be spending my lunch at the counselors.

  Alfie didn't even look at me. He was too invested in his own circle that he didn't even wave when I waved or him. I was a stranger. To him, to my parents, to my classmates and to myself.

  I had Zoe, at least, but I had burdened her with so many of my issues that I couldn't bother to add. She kept asking me what was wrong. She threatened to bite me if I didn't tell her what was wrong but didn't follow through and settled for hugging me.

  Tears had threatened to fall and the simple gesture but I didn't let them. I didn't want to. There was nobody to tell me that I had to be strong but myself- and I knew that even thought the thought was toxic, I had to. I couldn't tell anybody because I couldn't get the words out without breaking down. I was being selfish by taking the only thing I had left for granted, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't breathe and half the time it felt like I was holding my breath, anticipating something that never occurred.

  It was funny how quickly everything crumbled. How I was expecting it but still wasn't prepared for it to happen. Like I hadn't admitted the likelihood of it occurring. But then it happened, and one event lead to the other too rapidly until I was grasping onto what I had left, which was... Well, nothing.

  I wondered who that man was. I wondered if maybe I was overthinking things, but then again Mum did ask me to buy them beer under a brand I didn't recognise and a bottle of red wine, which was probably the most romantic thing a middle-aged woman with a forgotten daughter could do. As if to confirm my thoughts, my phone buzzed in my back pocket.

Mum: Don't tell your father.

  That was a dead giveaway. It that wasn't an answer to all my ludicrous assumptions, then I didn't know what was. She was cheating. She settled for a slob- a slob with a permanent sneer and crooked, yellowed teeth. She settled for a slob and bought him red wine. And she didn't bother to hide the fact, letting him park his car in our driveway.

  I debated telling my dad just to spite her. Yet again- would he even care? Did he already know? Once again, I became dizzy with too many unanswered questions.

  School progressed, but I was barely paying attention. None of the teacher's seemed to care- they never did. They'd check in hoping for a simple 'yes' or 'no' and send me to the counsellors either way. The only way to avoid going there was to make up a dumb excuse like thinking about the homework and how to get full marks on it. They'd accept it either way, whether they believed it or not.