Dreamer

04

Sometimes I couldn't tell the difference of a dream to my reality. Where I would often mistake my daydreams to actual memories or stories Mara tells me as actual events that had happened in my life as if I was there. I only lived through whatever stories Mara tell me, from fights going on in her friend group or the gossip they share from one another. I started thinking as if I was actually there to witness all of it, like I was a part of something.

Then I'll snap back to my little reality where I only lived in my small bubble, secluding myself from others and what's actually going on in this town. Ever since I could remember, I just didn't have the talent for making friends with good people, or actually making friends at all but then Lucas popped the small bubble I lived in.

It was the first time someone had insulted me in my face.

I could still remember the sneer he had, as if breathing the same air as I did was disgusting to him. I didn't know what I did to deserve the insult thrown at me but I just didn't answer. Remembering that time, I stared at him, trying to comprehend what I did to anger him so much, when I had just met him.

Irritating, that was what Lucas was, someone picking on someone weak just because he can.

Walking past him, I could feel my chest pound in anger. I didn't want to let it go, he had come up to me and provoked me but I didn't want to start a fight on the first week of freshman year. My mother would have been disappointed. I would think about her looking worn down, dark bags underneath her eyes as she smiled at me, tiredly, working just to provide for the both of us.

She was doing her best, so I had to too.

But I had forgotten about that as soon as Lucas pushed me to the ground. My hands stopping me from fully face-planting but I could feel my hands prickle as the pain shot up my arm, my blood boiled. I knew I did nothing wrong and I just didn't want him to get away with it.

I wasn't someone to just be pushed around.

The next thing I knew I had punched a boy a head taller than me.

The pain on my fist shot up to my arm as I pulled back, the boy falling down to the ground, shocked I had socked him.

The visit to the principal's office wasn't pleasant at all, the dirty looks the secretary threw at us didn't help either, I could just feel the anxiousness settling in my chest as I imagine what it would look like when my mother would receive a call from school during the middle of work. Fearing the scolding she'll give me once she takes me home, but aside from that, I had given her something to stress about.

The guilt laid heaver in my chest.

Aside from the looks the secretary was giving us I could just feel the boy beside me drilling holes to the side of my face. I looked at him and glared, "What? You want to get punched again?" I had nothing to fear anymore if we were already getting in trouble. If looks could kill, he would be ten feet under.

Just because I kept quiet doesn't mean I would just take whatever prejudice he has with me. I didn't even know him personally. We didn't go to the same middle school so there will be no way for him to get to know who I was.

He didn't answer as he looked away, staring at his worn down vans as we waited for our parents to arrive.

I could feel my knuckles throb, the aftermath after punching Lucas at his jaw, aside from the anxiety of my mother's anger I could still feel the annoyance I held for the boy beside me. This was the first time I got in trouble, the first time to be sitting here because of a fight. I had been fairly good at ignoring people like him, until now.