Ruin my life (completed?)

Chapter 18

"Please... stop."
Chad had said between gasps for air.
Finally I came to my senses and backed away.
It turns out that i had pinned him to the ground and had caused a wave of bruises.
For a second I was speechless, did I really do that?

I looked at Hanna. Her face represented a person who had just seen a ghost.

Everything stopped for me. All I could hear was the sound of my own breath. Guilt was swarming through me. I fell to my knees, thoughts rushing through my head.

Hanna reached her hand out to put on my back, but I shrugged it off.
I gave her a look with tears whelming in my eyes and then looked over at chad.

He had fainted through all the pain.

I stood up, my eyes were still locked on to chad. For a minute I felt sorry for him.
I towered over him the way you do when you stand over someone's grave. Of course I hadn't actually killed him, he was just unconscious. Which reminded he would be awake soon. And at this note I grabbed Hannas hand and dragged her out of the room.

On the way there, nobody said anything.

When we got to the dorm, I shut the door quickly, locked it and let out a deep breath.

"Rebecca.."
I couldn't respond. I think this was the real time that everything had hit me, and of course it's a lot to take in.  I couldn't focus on anything else other than my breath at that time. And as you could probably imagine it was heavy. It felt like I was carrying a huge weight that i couldn't let go of. This could have been down to the fact of the running or the fact that I had just knocked a person unconscious or even the fact of how beautiful Hanna looked right now, or maybe it's all of those things, point is I was breathless.

My eyes traced to Hanna's. They were filled with fear yet somehow that sparkle she always had was shining brighter than ever. That is one of the many things I love about her.

I timidly took a step forward, just a small one. Probably one that she couldn't even notice. Then more confidently i took another, slightly larger than the last. I gave her a slight smile to show that it was all okay now. That's when I started walking to her. I didn't know what I was doing until my lips were touching hers...

That's what I  wanted to happen, but instead we both burst out crying. I guess this was all so traumatic for us. It was literally a blur after that. The kind of blur when you look back at a dream, you can remember most of it but it seems a little hazy, and it gives you the sense you weren't even in control.

__________

We had both spent a long time on my bed. Just reflecting what had happened. I had a million questions that i was burning to know the answer to but i couldn't move. I felt paralysed when I sat down next to Hanna, like i didn't want to move out of this invisible bubble of comfort she gave out when i was around her.

In this time my arm had somehow worked my way onto Hannas shoulder. By the looks of it she either didn't notice or didn't mind it. I guess that was a good sign for me.
To be honest I don't even know why im doing this, thinking about me and Hanna together. I mean I don't even know if she likes me back yet. (and yes i am now admitting I have feelings for her.)

My mind came back to the chad incident. The more I thought about it, I actually started to feel guilty about it. I mean that punch must have hurt. This is when my stress started to spiral into an uncontrollable black hole.  All these feelings Suddenly got to me. I Couldn't help but leap to my feet. I felt like I had to make everything right, check if everything was okay with chad.

"Rebecca?" I had never heard her voice this small before. It reminded me of a helpless kitten. Sometimes you really do forget that strong people like Hanna have a weak side. 
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to check on Chad."
You could see her face drop into the normal stern expression.
"You really shouldn't, what if he hurts you."
"I just need to see what I did."