Ruin my life (completed?)

Chapter 30

Time seemed to fly by. As did the days leading up to Hanna moving away. I mean it was only a matter of time before the people who graduated slowly caught up to hanna, but it didn't change the sadness I felt that dreaded day.

I think the morning was the hardest part. Since Hanna had told me she was moving to europe she had also told me that she was moving out that very day she graduated. I was sort of shocked at that fact because I thought she would have wanted to maximize her time with me but at the end of the day I understood why she was doing it.

A wave of sadness washed over me the minute I woke up. I don't know if it was the same for Hanna since it was almost like two different days to each other, but what I do know is that i woke up with a tear in my eye. And that tear stood there for the whole day.

Thinking back now, weeks before any of this had hit me she had already started boxing up her things and cleaning her mess. It was always heartbreaking when I saw the empty boxes becoming full, because it reminded me of the short time I had left with her. But none of that simple sadness would even be a fraction of what I felt at that very moment when we both woke up.

Before I knew it, Hanna and I were both dressed up for the big day ahead of us. The clothing Hanna wore was a bit obvious for graduation. It was formal business attire. A dress. It was a faded white one that hugged her legs and waist closely. To be honest it looked sort of strange on her as Hanna was the kind of person who wore lazy baggy clothes. Nonetheless she still looked as beautiful as ever.

As for me. Well I have to say that I don't really have the best wardrobe in the world. I mean as i really dont go to very formal places that much (or out in general) I just normally wear baggy trousers and a slightly oversized top. It was easy to put on and covers practically every inch of my body so it was all i normally need, but today it didn't do the trick. I needed a more of a formal approach to math the occasion. Lucky I had realised this a couple of days back and bought a nice off the shoulder top in a colour of nearly gold. I say the word 'nearly' as it wasnt fully there as a colour but it did look nice. Then i had an average white cardigan. There isn't really much to be said on it as it isn't new or fancy. I just found it at the back of the wardrobe and thought it would be good so I wore it without anymore said or thought. Finally we have the shoes and the new jeans I bought as well.
The jeans I was actually pretty proud of as they gave of a professional formal feel and were still comfortable at the same time. They were deep blue and fit perfectly on my legs. Then we have the finale of the shoes. These I have to say it didn't really match the outfit in anyway but i thought i could get away with them as they kind of matched the colour scheme and they were the only high-heels i could find. They were rose gold with a slight pointy edge. Personally i was fine with them.

Once we were both dressed we both looked at each other for round about an awkward 30 seconds. One thing I have realised from this whole time with Hanna is that I do a lot of awkward staring. I don't really know if its a new thing with her of if i have done it for my whole life, but i do know that this was a waste of time and I think we were running a bit late.

"I think we might need to go now."

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As soon as Hanna and I both stepped in the event place, my skin started to crawl. I haven't really mentioned it much but I get really nervous around lots of people who I don't know. That's why I don't come to big events like this. Obviously, I made an exception for Hanna since its our last day and all. Plus i felt even more obligated to come after she told me that her family couldn't make it. She had told me not to feel sorry for her about the whole situation because she wasnt that close to her family, but i still did. I mean wouldn't it be upsetting for everyone if their own family couldn't come to their very own graduation? I know i would be upset.

I looked at Hanna. She seemed a lot more laid back than how i felt. I guess she was more confident than me. Well to be honest that seemed fair as she was a bit of an extrovert. But still I was kind of surprised because it's a big day for her, not only with the graduation i keep on mentioning but also leaving me (i hope) and moving away. I just hoped she wasn't keeping it all on the inside.

In a matter of seconds Hanna realised I was staring at her and she turned to face me.
"Its okay Rebecca. I know it isn't the best of places to finish off our time but its not really like a class i can skip."
She laughed a little after she said that.

Shortly after the event started, everyone suddenly stood up. Since i hadnt really been to one of these events before i had no idea what was happening, so i just followed the crowd hoping I wasn't doing anything wrong, occasionally letting out a few confused glances.

After a few minutes Hanna turned to me and started whispering. She told me that the 'Academic Procession' had just entered the hall and that while chancellor and them enter the hall everyone is supposed to be stood. I nodded and smiled. She must have seen my confused looks. These are the small things im going to miss about Hanna.
After all that it was all a blur of talking that I didn't particularly listen to. Instead I zoned out.

I shortly zoned back in though once they started calling names out to collect the paper thing. As you can probably tell, I don't know a lot about the whole graduation and all the terms. The little knowledge I do have have came from my books and the problem with that is that they are tailored to fit the story. I guess I need to study properly for the time when my graduation comes up.

Then Hannas name was called... It went by so fast... She didn't hesitate to stand up and walk to the main part. And I was surprised how confident she was when she accepted the paper and shook the chancellors hand, and how she came back down with a smile of her face as wide as I had ever seen it. And even how she gave me the biggest hug. It surprised me how happy she was, though like me, it was only a matter of time before that changed.

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Coming out of the hall unlocked emotions of dread and sadness I didn't even know I had. It was like a massive wave of emotion just swept me right off my feet carrying me into a deep current of depression. It was the moment that I knew was coming for months but no preparation could help me. The goodbye...

I started crying before anyone could say a word. Even the thought of it was too much to handle, I didn't know how I was going to cope. I turned to Hanna but i found she was already looking at me. I could see a faint glimmer in her eye the way it does when your holding back tears.
I gathered myself up and decided I was going to be the first to speak.
"So i guess this is goodbye then."
"I guess it is... I'm so sorry for putting you through all this."
"Putting me through what?"
"I don't know... love. And only to end it all in heartbreak. I'm so sorry."
"Don't apologise for giving me a happiness. Or even about how short it was. It gave me a  will to stay in college and even live. So I guess I should be thanking you for the wonderful time."
"Don't. It was my pleasure." She forced a smile
"And hey, you never know. Maybe in five years, our paths will cross again. Our love may have faded by then but we still might remember the wonderful time we had together. And who knows? Maybe we can laugh at how much we cried on this very day"