no read only lee

maybe you should

tw: mentions of suicide and bullying

i got out of my bed. everything hurts. all i remember is that daichi cried and i admitted to feeling horrible. today i gathered a bunch of people from karasuno who wanted to help me find lee. that's nice i guess. i get ready, today i'm wearing some grey sweatpants and a crop top so i don't look like complete garbage. they told me to meet them a nearby coffee shop so here i go. i got a text from kenma, i responded fast and quick. i cant waste my time with him. although i do miss him a little.

no you don't

he's worthless to you

he only plays video games all day and barely shows you attention

he doesn't care about you

i walk a little longer until i see the group, i give them a small smile and proceed to make my way over to them. "hey gabby. i heard what happened i'm super sorry about what happened. i couldn't imagine".

there we go with that fucking pity again

we search for awhile, asking random people if they've seen him. as we continue waking, yui suggests something. "why don't we go to that one abandoned gas station kinda by the opening of tokyo". it was kinda weird but it made sense. a lot of missing people ended up there, so why not give it a shot. i heard snickering from behind us, i'm pretty sure they're laughing at her dumb idea. as we approach the gas station everyone turns to me. "i don't see any signs of him." one of them says matter of factly. i nod, agreeing. yui looks at me, "maybe because looking as useless." she says, laughing. the rest of them laugh too.

what

no what the fuck

"he's dead. and it's all your fault" she says, continued to laugh. i start to tear up. "AW LOOK!! gabbys gonna whine" she says, balling her fists up and mimicking a crying face. "you don't deserve to live either" another one says.

i cant breathe

please just stop

they're right

"maybe you should just kill yourself!!" she says with a smile almost too big, "here have a sedative!". she hands me a bottle of pills. "you're just a monster. a no good, ugly, scary, monster."

monster

monster

mon·ster
/ˈmänstər/
Learn to pronounce
noun
an imaginary creature that is typically large, ugly, and frightening.

that word. it hurts more then her telling me to kill myself.

they all left, i was bleeding but i'm not sure from what. i look at the pills. before they left though one had spit on me, causing me to gag a little bit. it all hurts so bad, i just want it to be over. as i pour the bottle of pills out i see a note. its a poorly drawn picture of me hanging with the words "happy thoughts" scribbled on them. as i flipped the page around it read.

"dear gabby, i hope you fucking kill yourself. you're worthless to everyone. nobody needs you here on earth"

i look at the pills again and sigh

im a walking contradiction

and the answer should be yes