no read only lee

incessant

i opened the door. he was sitting on the floor, he didn't look hurt. he looks up at me. he's definitely been crying for some time now. i cant handle seeing him like this. i say by him and wrapped my arms around him. he just sunk into my arms.

stop it

what are you doing

stop it

he's using you for his own good

"i'm sorry" he says, barely above above a whisper. why is he sorry i should be sorry. "why are you sorry, kenma i'm the one who should be sorry. you did nothing wrong.". he shakes his head, "i was treating myself super badly. you wouldn't want that though, so i waited for you. even though i hurt myself in the process, i waited.". i hug him even tighter and began to stroke his hair. we sat in silence for a few hours, occasionally whispering 'sorrys' to eachother.

"why can't he just come back". i say. kenma looks up at me, "he will. i promise you. it's not your fault.". i pause. i felt my body go cold.

it's all your fault

it's all your fault

it's all your fault

it's all your fault

"stop". i say. he looks at me with a questioning look. "hm? don't say what. i'm saying it's not your fault". my brain is trying to block out the 'not' part. and i'm feeding into it. "WHY ARE TOU JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELS-". i loosen my grip on him. "im sorry". i take a deep breath. too much pity i might drown. i get up. "thanks for everything. i'm gonna go look some more". he grabs my hand and shakes his head, "nuh uh. you've done too much searching, look at yourself gabby. please stay and take a break.". i turn him out, ive gotten pretty good at that. i walk out the door and wave a small goodbye. "don't leave please. you're not gonna find him, you know you mean the world to me and i just wanna be honest with you.".

he has a point

no he doesn't

"why do you doubt me. you're just like everyone else kenma. maybe i shouldn't have come here" i spat out.

i walk outside his dorm. my thoughts are racing. "i'm coming with you then". i shake my head and point to the door, "go back inside.". he doesn't listen, "GO BACK GOD DAMNNIT, I DONT WANT YOU TO GET HURT SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" i yelled. i don't wanna leave him alone with his thoughts but i cant risk him getting caught up in my troubles. "just go, kozume". he nods and goes back.

i'm so sorry but this is the right thing

you're so stupid, he wanted to help you

you made the right choice, leaving him

always remember to save your,, j̷̨͒͗̂̃́̉d̸̡̡̟̤̮̮̙̬̒̏̀̓͝ͅķ̴̛͔̺̬̬̤̺͐͒̉͛̉̀̋ş̵̰̟̗̲̝̣̆̍̓͌͝k̵̛̫͉͍͓̙̮̜͆̅̿̂̈͐̊́͝à̶̡̪͙̗͕̪̦͂͆l̶̛͕̱̙̟̽̈͐̿̚̕͜͝͝e̴̹͈̺̟͎̓̋̍̒n̴̠̈́̈̃z̶̢̥̝͕̦̣̀̿͗͌̇̚͝ỏ̴̼͎̯̮̤̃̓̈̾̔̉̿ā̶͙̟͍͈̺͉͍̠̰̍͝k̵̢̜͖̉̓̿̅͑͂̈͜s̴͕̓̃́

you melt away through the cracks in my fingers

the broke words i last heard still linger

sʞuɐɥʇ ˙ʇɐɥʇ ǝʞıl sɓuıɥʇ...uosɹǝd pooɓ ɐ ʇsnɾ puɐ ɔıʇsıɯıʇdo puɐ ɓuıɹɐɔ uǝǝq sʎɐʍlɐ s'ǝɥs ˙sıɥʇ ǝʞıl ʎllɐɯɹou ʇou s'ǝɥs ʇnq ˙uɐǝɯ I ʇɐɥʍ ʍouʞ ʇou ʎɐɯ noʎ os 'sʎɐp ʍǝɟ ɐ ǝɹǝɥ uǝǝq ʎluo ǝʌ'noʎ ˙ʎlǝʇɐl ǝɓuɐɹʇs ɟo puıʞ ɓuıʇɔɐ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʎqqɐɓ ˙ʇnoqɐ pǝıɹɹoʍ uǝǝq ǝʌ'I ɓuıɥʇǝɯos uǝǝq s'ǝɹǝɥʇ ʇnq ˙dn sıɥʇ ɓuıɹq oʇ ǝslǝ ʍoɥ ʍouʞ ʇ'uop ı