delude || oikawa.t x reader

|15| disintegrated pride

"Holy shit..." Semi curses under his breath. The common smell of lemon and paint were no longer itching in his nose, her room is oddly clean yet it reeks of paint. Canvas stacked almost as high as her bed, but it's drawn with such noetic lines that shows how much a mere kiss had effected her so badly. The paint were mushed inside a small box, and half of them were dull colors. 

She had already fallen for the heartthrob, Oikawa Tooru, and she is drunken by the fact that it was never one sided from the start.

(F/n) curls under the blankets, ignoring Semi who'd been standing on the entrance of her room for approximately two minutes. She told him about this, and he doesn't know how to feel, nor how to comfort her. He would ask his friends for help, but he doubts any of them would be willing enough to lend him a hand while keeping her privacy safe.

"(F/n), you okay?"

"I don't know," she says in a tired voice. 

Her voice is dry, she never knew her own saliva would taste and feel like sawdust. Scintillating, the window reflects the light into her room only to emphasize how she's racked both in penitent and conflicting arguments with herself.

It's been three days, three days since the last time she came to school, and three days since the last time she'd seen Oikawa Tooru.

Semi huffs, "Your parents are worried, you know?" sitting on her bed beside her who's tangled inside a thick and warm blanket. He leans closer to her, resting himself on top of her against the fabric that's separating them.

Everyone is different, and that makes them the same.
If everyone is the same, then what makes them so special for one another? The world is too confusing for her curious mind to comprehend.

Why is Tooru so special for her?

Is it because he saved the ill cat from it's attempt to let earth consume her wholly? Is it because of his captivating smile that makes her heart implode by the smallest movement he creates? Sometimes back then she wishes for him to remember her, the day where he prevented her from committing suicide by his enchanting smile that secretly caught onto her distress. But looking at things now, she feels obliged to tell him, to tell why she isn't worthy of such person like him. 

Tooru reads her too well most of the time, and half of her facade breaks down from time to time up until this very moment. Thus, leaving her with no choice but to be honest with him. Eventually, and soon enough, he will know. But (F/n) ponders, how much does he need to know?

The sedum flowers she'd been growing inside her finally withers by the absence of Tooru.

Even if he's the cause of her overwhelming thoughts, he is the only person she truly needed in this particular moment. 

It's been a few days of her nonattendance in school. 

Honestly, she doesn't know anymore, nor does she care. Her parents tried to convince her to go, but she kept on refusing. Her refusal occasionally sounded so dolorous, and her parents don't have it in them to force her.

They are aware with her traumatic past. Neither her mother or her father is brave enough to talk to her privately, they were too scared that they'll say something wrong that it might worsen her mentality. They would have always been so persistent to give her some sort of therapy. But they weren't rich people, and (F/n) would never want to burden them just because of someone's death, so she lied.

However, her energy keeps on draining every second, and she does her absolute best to put a stage wherever she is, or in whatever condition. She doesn't want to go back, (F/n) needed time for everything.

But she doesn't even know what's this 'everything' she speak of.

The knock coming from her door made (F/n) jump a little from her stool. The canvas is still white ever since midnight, she's unable to sleep the slightest. Her mother slowly opens the door, a small and sympathetic smile plastered on her gentle expression as she stood on front of (F/n).

It's their parents' anniversary, no wonder they look so enthusiastic today.

"Your father and I will be out late, Eita-kun will be with you again for today, okay?" her mother says, cupping her daughter's face with her palms gently to plant a kiss on her forehead. (F/n) nods understandingly, giving her the sincerest heartwarming expression she can pull off.

And so, the room feels empty again.
Hours passed by, Semi is already on the other side of the room with his phone as he steals small glances at her. Hours and hours, she ended up falling asleep on her couch as soon as they have nothing to talk about eventually.

Until Semi hears the doorbell ring.

To put it bluntly, he did not fancy the captain of Aoba Johsai standing on front of the door. So he casually made an attempt to close the door pretending the other setter isn't there, but of course Tooru stopped him midway. Semi's grip on the door handle tightens, not realizing the pain of his nails pushing against the metal handle.

The brunet's expression is very stern, it's unusual, but expected. "I'm assuming you know what happened," Tooru starts, his gaze trained on Shiratorizawa's pinch server miens, catching how he isn't very welcomed in (F/n)'s house through the eyes of Semi. Though, it's not like he didn't expect it.

But to see Semi instead of (F/n) in her house irritates him.

Semi stays silent, carefully reading his intentions, and mentally creating scenes that would happen if he lets Tooru meet his best friend, or a potential future lover for the boy with chocolate locks.

"Can I please see her?" he adjures (F/n)'s long-term friend.

Truthfully, some part of Semi wants to let him in. But knowing that his friend pretty much just took their deep slumber for a minute after a few days of pulling all-nighters, he hesitates.

Tooru takes a deep breath,
"━Please ,"