TRAPPED

Transformation

(Eight months after)
HELEN
I woke up with a headache as usual, today was a little different though, the weather was somehow cold and strangely comforting. I showered and went to the living room to get some bread. I was eating when I got a call from a strange number, that's weird I hadn't gotten a call in months. Mike and Nancy had stopped calling after sometime, i don't blame them though, they had their lives to live. I picked the call and heard a very familiar voice 'Hi Helen, it's Nancy and please don't hang up on me, I have something very important to tell you'. Alright, go on I'm listening I answered rudely, I didn't know what was wrong with me I just didn't want to speak to them.
'I don't know why you're doing this to me Helen, I'm your best friend, I was there for you and I still am, why are you doing this to me? Is that what you want to say, I interjected rolling my eyes, I was starting to get bored of the conversation. 'I'm getting married Helen' oh how nice congratulations, is that all? I asked her , 'no Helen! I'm getting married.... to Mike!'

I didn't realize when the phone dropped from my hand, I couldn't really understand what just heard, Nancy is getting married to Mike! My Mike!! So while I was suffering in the kidnappers den they were having an affair and they came to the hospital to stay with me so I wouldn't suspect them?
How could Nancy betray me like this? How?

It felt like something was crushing the bones in my body, I could literally feel the pain in my chest. The heartbreak, the betrayal, the backstabbing everything came rushing all at once.
I needed a drink. I grabbed a bottle of gin and I drank it uncontrollably, I finished it and grabbed another bottle, I kept drinking and drinking and drinking. I popped some pills and still drank more until I passed out.

I woke up some hours later and reality dawned on me. It wasn't a dream, I had really lost Mike and not just to any woman but my best friend. I picked up my phone and called him.
Mike: Helen?
Helen: You bastard, was I really nothing to you? I thought we had a connection, what happened to everything we shared? Our moments? Was it really nothing to you?
Mike: calm down Helen let me explain.
Helen: you have nothing to explain Mike, nothing! You're just like all other men. Selfish! That's what you are Mike. A selfish man!
Mike: Don't shout at me Helen, I tried my best but you pushed me away, I was there for you, I sacrificed a lot for you but you were too blind to see it. You dare call me selfish Helen? You're the selfish one! You don't care about those who care about you! You don't even care about your own self. You are busy wasting your life in there instead of making lemonades out of your lemons you're there sulking like a coward. You're a coward Helen. Have you even looked in the mirror lately? You have reduced to a pile of flesh and bones.You're not the girl I used to know, you're just a shadow of yourself. Nancy was there for me after you left me heartbroken. She cares for you more than you think but you are too blind and selfish to see it. Nobody is coming to save you Helen, you better get up and save yourself and stop wallowing in self pity and drinking your life away.

Mike ended the call and I fell down on my knees weeping, I felt like I was being flogged with the words Mike said. I got up and dragged myself to the dressing table. I looked into the mirror and cried, I cried so hard I felt I had exhausted the tears in my body. I couldn't believe what I had turned into. I was a walking dead. A true pile of flesh and bones as Mike had earlier stated.  I felt stupid, how could I have let Uncle Tunde win even in prison. My life was worse than it was and I knew Mike was right.

Nobody is coming to save me, I'll have to get up and save myself.
I went down on my knees in tears and prayed to God 'God, I know I haven't been the best of your creatures and I know I have sinned a lot, against you and against my own self  and I know I'm not one of those who come to you often but if truly you are the all forgiving as they say you are please forgive me and make me a better person. I'm ready to become a better person and I'm really sorry, please forgive me. Amen' I prayed in tears .

I didn't have enough strength in me to start cleaning. I called a home cleaning service to come and tidy up my apartment that looked like a dumpsite. I emptied all the alcohol and drugs I had stocked my house with.

I called my therapist and scheduled an appointment for the next day.  I was ready to start all over again.
I visited my therapist and she was so happy to see me, she asked a lot of questions and recommended me for a session with other people like me. 'It will speed up your recovery process' she told me.

I joined the session and after few weeks I was starting to feel good about myself again. I heard stories that weren't up to mine and I heard stories of people worse than mine. I learnt that no matter how bad your situation is, someone is going through much worse. I couldn't believe what I did to myself, I can't believe I tried taking my own life. I learnt about forgiveness and moving on. I went back to reading books, I was healing gradually.