Apartment 4B

Chapter 32 - Brooke

He's watching me closely, and I try to keep everything I'm feeling way, way off my face.

I also know he catches everything anyway, in that annoying way he always does.

He's a dad?

Or was... or is..

What???...

".. Instead of my grand plans for the night, I scrapped them, and took her out in search of the double fudge cookie dough ice cream that she was desperately craving. Not exactly the most easiest flavour to find, mind you. I ah, spent the next few months watching her belly grow, doting the absolute crap out of her, and fucking excited to meet the little one. The night before it all went south, I swear I felt a kick. I still remember staying up all night, my hand lightly on her stomach, just waiting for another one..."

I still feel like I can't breathe, trying to digest all that he's telling me, my mind working on overload to sort it all. I can see him doing that, just lying there, ready and waiting for another movement. It pulls at me more than I thought it would to think of him being that way with someone else, to have that moment with someone who's not me.

".. She was a little more than half way through when the pregnancy hormones finally took over, and she cracked... I, ah, came.. I came home to find her sitting on the couch in absolute tears one afternoon. She confessed everything while I sat there next to her, raw, broken, and honestly completely numb to what she was trying to tell me. She'd been seeing him the whole time... The five years we'd been together, since we met in collage... The baby wasn't mine, and she couldn't lie to me any longer..."

The pull turns into a spikey ball of rage, as I watch his face. Still seeing the pain of that last sentence live on today. Regardless of what I thought before, I now want to tear that woman apart for hurting him like that.

".. It was only when she stood up, and walked towards the door, that I noticed the bags she had packed there. I didn't even see them over the copious amount of baby stuff I was out shopping for that day. I seriously went fucking overboard with it all, really.. And that was the downfall for her. She couldn't take how amazing I'd been, how excited I was getting, and how much I was doing when she knew the baby wasn't mine. I just sat there, not even in the world while she kissed me on the cheek, took her bags and left.. I honestly don't even know if she got a cab, or if he picked her up.."

Shifting one hand, it glides along the roughness on his jaw, before tenderly holding his cheek. I'm not entirely sure what I'm even doing, but the soft smile he gives me, is worth it.

".. It fucking broke something in me, snapped by ability to feel anything for anyone anymore, and I changed my life. I threw in the job I hated, but was well paid, and went back to studying to get my fitness degree... I was.. I was actually a bloody lawyer before all this.."

His face cracks a little more, his shoulders moving as he chuckles, and I can't help but smile with him. That is the last profession I ever would have pegged him for...

His story explains so much, though.

The hesitation, the fear of relationships... The last one he seriously had, turned out to be a complete lie. I mean if she came clean eventually, she must have actual feelings for him in some way, but I just can't comprehend ever doing that to someone. Least of all him....

He's everything I have ever wanted.

He's funny, smart, ridiculously caring, and utterly amazing, even from day one. Without a word he picked up that phone and called in help after talking with me for two seconds. He's brought, and made sure I'm fed, more times than I can count... or should really admit.

I seriously need to cook more...

His mind is lightening fast, and that smile... Jesus, hell, that smile is incredible when it's really shone down on you.

Swallowing, I try to pull myself from my thoughts as he picks up again, forcing myself to pay attention, and not go back to how much I really love him.

".. I brought my gym with the money I had been saving for six months for a house.. for the family I thought I was going to have... and moved in to my place I've got now not long after. Told myself it was a fresh start, and after living with the memories in the old place for so long, I needed that... That kinda lead to the life I had before you. I didn't want another space that had the constant reminders of someone who could be close enough to break me like that again, and leave the memories ingrained in the place I still had to live in when they left.."

I've been silent for so long, listening intently, but I can't help and ask my question. As small as my voice is at the moment, feeling the pain in his words despite the small smile he wears, he still hears me.

"Did, you ever see her again?"

His head nods, as he takes a deep breath in, almost as though he's preparing himself.

"Ahh, about a year later. I got a picture message of her with a kid covered in cake... I guess it was a way of saying goodbye, and weirdly enough, actually a bit of closure for both of us. A final ending to the chapter as it were... Honestly, by that stage I didn't hold any grudges against her. I mean, I didn't really have many feelings with relationships anymore. But it was a way of knowing that they were both ok, and continuing with their lives... It may not have been mine, but I still loved it.."

My head comes to lie on his chest, as I drop my hand and run it back around to join the other, while I hug him tightly. He may still be smiling, but I hear the change in his voice. The baby might not have actually been his, but those feelings don't just get erased when the horrible truth comes out, or when they're no longer in front of you.

".. I, however, would have, ahhhh, known something was a little up if she didn't come clean with me anyway. I mean.. one look at that picture and I would have had some odd, if not usual questions, at the birth."

I've pulled back in a second, my head flying up to look up at him. His head nods slowly, the real amused grin spreading over his face.

That can't mean what I think it does.

My voice is thick with the begging that he's messing with me, and can't actually be true.

"Noooo.."

His grin grows, as well as my eyes.

"Ah, yesss... I'm gonna say the father was of some sort of colour, for I may tan brownish during summer, but I ain't ever tanned that dark.."

I can't help it.

I try, I seriously do, but I can't hold on.

I completely loose it laughing.

Inappropriate I know, but I loose it, and I loose it damn hard.

My head drops back before I bury my face in his chest, the laughter not only shaking my shoulders, but my body too. His arms tighten around me as he chuckles right along with me, letting out the tension surrounding this, all at once. His eyes shine with laughter as I pull myself back together, and look up at him once more. One of his arms shift, the hand coming up to gently trail under my jaw, and keep my eyes on his.

I completely understand now, all of it, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.

I don't know how to get him to see I'm not like that, that I would never in a million years even think of doing that to him. He's going to have apply some damn thick glue remover to peel me away from him, before I completely give up and walk. I kinda got the feeling before that kiss that knocked me sideways, that he thought I was trying to tell him I was walking away for good. When in reality, I was trying to say I was about to slap him on the upside of his head if he couldn't just admit to himself, at least, that he was in this with me too. That I'm not a crazy bitch, and I'm more inside him that he wants to say out loud...

Although thinking on it now.. that actually sounds kinda creepy when you put it that way..

Maybe more that, I wasn't trying to leave or give him an out, but I needed I tell him I wanted more.

I wanted this..