Mingyu Shorts

I Think I Hate Him

"Hey, its been a while," she spoke into the little black box, her hand wrapped around it like it was the only thing tethering her to reality.

"Before this last time, this real last time, I always felt like it was completely my fault," she stopped to sniffle, her voices sounded heavy with all the tears she has yet to cry, "this time, this time I know it wasn't my fault.

He just wanted to help me, ya know? Help me love myself." She scoffed.

" He took me to the top of that stupid roof, where we had that stupid kiss, and he said that I shouldn't be so self-conscious. He said -- He said 'Y/n, you're so beautiful. How can you ignore the way the moon dances across your skin, kisses you like it's scared it will never have the opportunity to ever again?'

It all sounded so romantic then."

She took a long pause, gripping the recording device even tighter, letting her eyes wander through the darkness of her room. She knew she was in her room, but it didn't feel like she was even on earth.

"He put his hands on my waist," she began again, her voice heavier, "he squeezed me so tight," she spat through her teeth.

"I told him that I never asked the moon to kiss me and I told him that I never asked to be told I was ugly because of my weight. I said 'Gyu, I didn't hate this body until people started telling me that I should,' and do you know what he said?" She asked the black box.

"He said, 'well haven't i been here to tell you that they were wrong?' and before I could even respond, before I could tell him that no, no he hadn't, he pulled me against him. He let me feel at home in his arms, and said 'Dance with me.'

What the fuck kind of movie are we in for him to ask me to dance with him on a rooftop at 3 am?"

The tears were falling now, her voice cracking with the weight, her hands shaking.

"And why did I let him twirl me around this rooftop as if I meant something? Why did I let him step back and watch me goofily prance around? Why didn't I listen to Vernon that night? Or trust my fucking gut?"

She stopped speaking again, the only sound that could be heard in the tiny device was her sniffling, followed by the soft rustling of her wiping the tears from her face, and then finally a deep breath.

"Ya know? I think I might hate him," her voice was quiet and monotone, "I think this time. I actually fucking hate him.

He somehow made me feel worthy and worthless all at once and I don't know if I can keep fighting for that feeling any more, I don't--"

She was cut off by a knock at the door, she leaned in close to the recorder, an angry whisper leaving her lips, "If that is Kim Fucking Mingyu, I think I might die from heartbreak."