The Private Servers of Life

Act 9: The Funeral

Scene 1:

It's now late December. The school year is ending soon. Right now, Noah just came home from school. He talked to Gary and Judy for a while, and right now, he's upstairs, logging into a private server of Club Penguin to catch up with his brother, Eddie. As usual, it takes him a while to find BonifiedSchmuck776, but he eventually does.

Noah: Hey Eddie!

Eddie: Hey Noah! I'm wiping fake tears off my face, as we type.

Noah: What? Why?

Eddie: I just came back from your funeral.

Noah: My funeral? What do you even mean, my funeral?

Eddie: Oh yeah, they found a dead body of a white man in the Philippines. It was quite disfigured from shark bites, and they think it's you.

Noah: What the actual fuck?

Eddie: Yeah. So they sent the body here, and we just had a funeral for you. But I knew you weren't dead, so I bought these fake tears, so that people don't start suspecting.

Noah: Why did they even think I was in the Philippines?

Eddie: Dunno, it's a long story, and the police thought you were moving around, from one country to another... The important thing is, you're alive.

Noah: Yeah, I'm alive, and well. Did they at least play "The Anthem" by Good Charlotte during my funeral?

Eddie: No. Mom and dad picked the music, and since they don't know shit about pop punk, they played "Dammit" by Blink-182.

Noah: Oh, that song is cool... But still, how did they expect me to die for real, if they're not even gonna play "The Anthem"? I told everyone, if that song doesn't play in my funeral, I'm not dying.

Eddie: Very funny. Anyways, what's going on with you?

Noah: The school year is almost over. And it's Summer time. In two days, I'll go to Slade Island. A friend of mine is taking us there on a speedboat. We're gonna go camping.

Eddie: Ugh, you guys are in the Summer? So lucky! And what's Slade Island?

Noah: Yeah, the perks of living in the southern hemisphere. And Slade Island is this new island that was recently discovered.

Eddie: Dude, that's it. I'm moving to Australia.

Noah: That would be cool! Just don't do it now, wait until you're about to become a corporate loser, and pull out before your slow death, like me.

Eddie: I will, Noah. I will. So, what else is going on?

Noah: I forgot to tell you, my cartoon is gonna be on TV.

Eddie: What? That's huge! When is it going on air?

Noah: It will still take a while. As you probably know, those things take time. But in about a year, it should be ready.

Eddie: That's so fucking cool, man. 

Noah: Oh, and remember Indy? She's getting her album produced and released.

Eddie: Who's Indy?

Noah: The girl I told you about. She's gorgeous, nice, funny... And also a lesbian.

Eddie: Oh, I remember that. How is it going with her?

Noah: Like, we almost kissed once. I know she said she was a lesbian, but I keep getting this signs. The way she looks at me, the way we get along. We have chemistry. I'm making a move when we go to Slade Island. Does this sound too desperate?