To Fall Apart

Day 3: 4:56pm (Ryan)

  I don't know where Ally is. She's gone off some where and the police's nurse is talking to the school nurse in hushed voices and I can't hear exactly what they say. I feel stronger than I did a couple days ago when I was first shot, the pain killers have dulled my senses. But because of this, I also slip in and out of conscienceness. Sometimes I wake up to see Ally try in vain to get some sleep in the chair next to my bed, other times all I see is an empty chair.

  I'm scared. If I'm unsure of everything else at least I know that. I'm scared of what might happen to Ally. Scared of what's happening outside of the nurse's office. Scared of dying. 

  I thought I would die of old age. Haggared and worn down, not bleeding and in pain. Whenever I thought of death at old age, it never really bothered me. I seemed at peace with it. But now that I face it everytime my eyes droop closed, it scares the shit out of me. I don't know why. Why is it so scary?

  Then, I find my answer. When you die of old age, you can look back on your long life. Look back on the memories, the laughter, the tears. But if I die here, today, or even tomorrow, I die looking back on what? Middle school? Freshman and sophmore year? My first kiss with Mia Reyes? Getting my license? Oh, yes. What a full and amazing life I had.

  I would die bitter, that's for sure. Of all the things I never did, all the words I should have said. Especially to Ally. God, I'm so stupid. I never told her that I liked her.

  I met Ally when she came to the first week of marching band Hell week. She walked into the bandroom with a couple of friends. Her hair in a pony tail, and gym bag thrown over her shoulder, and a Green Day shirt. I didn't realize then that I liked her. I was head-over-heels for Mia. And not until I kissed Mia and we realized things just wouldn't work out did I realize I liked Ally. And since then, I never looked at her the same.

  I loved making her laugh in band. I would crack a joke or do something stupid. The whole class laughed, but I always looked at her. If she laughed or even just cracked a smile, the points off my grade from Mr.Reynolds was worth it.

  But, now I lay here, with stitches, hoping to make it through another night. While out there, Ally is probably risking her life, to save mine. I can't let her get away, I would be an absolute dumbass then. No, I gotta tell her. I have to tell Ally Mitchell that I love her.