↱ Cassettes ↲ Woosan

.5.

A couple of weeks passed and the day of Christmas was upon them. San was looking at himself in the mirror; black hair slicked back, a crisp gray suit on, glasses sitting at the tip of his nose. He took in the miserable shit that was staring back at him. When did things get so bad? Whenever someone would ask him where he lived, the thought of the little estate on the cusp of the countryside didn't even cross his mind. To be completely honest, he forgot the address of it. His husband, if he could even be called that, and him hadn't seen each other or made love in months. The last time they spoke was awkward and stiff, lacking any of the love they formally had.

san couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he knew. He didn't want to admit it, but he couldn't keep lying to himself anymore.

He remembered asking his mother once, if it was possible for two people to fall out of love. His mother had looked at him for a moment, then said, "Anything is possible, san, but it depends on the people we are talking about. If their love for each other is stronger than their differences, then they know they will always come together in the end. That way, it's impossible to fall out of love; they're destined to be together."

Was their love just not strong enough? Was destiny against them? san didn't know the answer to those questions, but what he did know was that he had fallen out of love with wooyoung. They were outsiders in their own relationship.

When he had told wooyoung about the Christmas party, he was looking for some sort of reaction. He was hoping wooyoung would get mad, yell at him to spend Christmas with his family instead. He was looking for a sign, even if it wasn't a positive one, that they were still indeed together and not sheer acquaintances. Maybe the lack of reaction ticked something off in him.

He made a new friend that night. Yeosang, was a coworker who recently landed a job in his department and approached san to talk. They danced and drank the whole night. As the weeks went by, their friendship grew from more than just side glances and little smiles, to full on attraction. One day, yeosang approached san and asked him out on an official date. Maybe he should have thought about his family in that moment, but he was so happy, he forgot they existed. As he kissed yeosang on his bed that night, he slipped of his engagement ring and threw it in the same drawer he kept the old cassettes.

wooyoung called san with a big smile on his face that night. The museum he had submitted his art to had accepted his application and were willing to showcase it at their upcoming exhibition. wooyoung was basically jumping on the sofa as san picked up the call. His hair looked disheveled and he wasn't in his formal wear, which surprised wooyoung. They talked about little things here and there and wooyoung got to the news he wanted to share.

"sannie, I got a museum to showcase my art in their upcoming exhibition," wooyoung said with a bright smile on his face.

wooyoung saw san give him the first genuine smile he had in months and the little gesture caused butterflies to fly around in his stomach.

"That's so great wooyoung. I'm really proud of you," san said, telling the truth.

"So, will you come?", wooyoung inquired, hope present in his voice, smile still not leaving his face.

san's smile immediately fell, shock gracing his sharp features. Reality seemed to set in and he realized, no matter how much he tried to deny it, he was a married man. Guilt crept up his heart and his usually hard gaze faltered a bit. "I don't know wooyoung, I might not have the time." He was a coward. An idiot.

"san, please. I-I really need you there...", wooyoung confessed in an uneasy voice.

A minute passed where no one said anything. 2 minutes. 3 minutes. Finally san said, "Okay, I'll be there."

wooyoung let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and shakily asked, "You promise?"

San gave a quick nod of his head and ended the call before anymore words could be exchanged. Wooyoung hadn't felt this happy in a long time.

2 day's before the exhibition, wooyoung decided to record a message to san. It was brief and it was really sappy, but it got the point across. wooyoung painted a piece of paper pink, his favorite color, added little doodles of hearts and stars here and there, and slipped it inside the case. He mailed it to san's apartment and went to sleep with a smile on his face.

The day of the exhibition arrived and wooyoung sat in a little desk in his corner of the museum. People were coming up all day, asking questions about his art and admiring the beautiful meanings behind them. His stall was one of the more popular ones; moreover, he even managed to get more than a dozen commissions. However, San hadn't shown up. His absence was a weight that stayed on wooyoung's chest all day. He waited and waited, looking up at the door every few minutes expecting to see the familiar head of black hair, ending up disappointed every time. wooyoung didn't even receive a call. Before he knew it, everyone was packing up, meaning the exhibition was coming to an end. As he was saying bye to the security guard, wooyoung had to bite his lip to keep from letting out a sob.

To say wooyoung was hurt an understatement. His heart was aching and the only thing that kept him from crying in the middle of the street was that he had to get home to jisung. The time he had payed the babysitter for was coming to an end and he couldn't waste anymore. As wooyoung laid in bed that night, he had to hold back a choked sob to not wake up the sleeping baby next to him. He hadn't felt as pathetic and useless in his entire life as he did in that moment, and wished san was there to hold him like he was holding jisung; like he was the only thing left in the world.