Across the Stars

Empire - Sunday March 20th 2016

"God!" I say, leaning back in one of the chairs in the hotel room and looking up at the ceiling. "I feel so bloated."

"That's because you just ate three sandwiches with just cheese and bacon on them," John tells me, slightly frustrated. I tilt my head to look at him sitting on the edge of one of the beds.

"Don't judge me!" I say, glaring at him.

"I'm not. I'm just saying that's probably why you're feeling bloated. Don't kill me!" he says a little harshly.

"What's that tone for?" I ask, raising an eyebrow in his direction.

"You've gotten so moody lately and I don't know what's gotten into you," John says, giving me a pointed look.

"You're supposed to be my best friend!" I groan, tilting my head back again.

"I am your best friend Parker, but I don't always support your decisions. It's award season and you're nominated for so many awards but you just seem so depressed," he says. Even though I can't see him, I know he is worried. I can hear it in his voice.

"I don't love my husband so I'm fucking happy in my marriage," I remark sarcastically, rolling my eyes at the ceiling.

"Parker, come on, tonight is the Empire Awards. Don't you have to get in your dress?" he asks. I look at him with wide eyes right when there is a knock at the door. We both look towards it.

"That's probably hair," I say, slowly pushing myself out of the chair and making my way towards the door to see who it is. I was right.

Hours later, John and I are sitting at the Empire Awards which are being held in London, not far from where we are currently filming. The Force Awakens is nominated for a ton of awards and John and I are both nominated for an award. I'm nominated for best female newcomer and he is nominated for best male newcomer. I hope he wins. I honestly don't care if I win, but he deserves to win. He is super talented.

I am so thankful that it is award season. It keeps my mind occupied so I don't have to think about my crumpling marriage. Derek still thinks everything is going just peachy. When I got back to set after the Oscars, I plastered a fake smile on my face and told the children that I missed them. I would still try to avoid Derek as much as possible, but I would see more of him than I did before the Oscars. He just thinks that I just need space and time for myself because when I'm not working my ass off doing stunts, I have to take care of a four year old and a three month old.

Like at the Oscars, I had a good time on the red carpet, but I don't have Willow by my side. I do have John with me, but he didn't come as my date, so we didn't walk the carpet together. I am wearing a beautiful blue dress that hugs my body. One of the many things I like about it is that it shows that I don't have a flat stomach. Yes, I'm an actress and yes, I do most of my own stunts, but I don't have a six pack. I have a little fat and young women need to see that all actresses don't have "perfect" bodies. I'm sure some tabloids will say that it's a baby bump and that I'm pregnant, but I'm not.

John, J.J. and I sit together during the actual ceremony. Even though, John and I are some of the only ones from the cast who got nominated, the rest of the cast probably wouldn't have come if they were nominated for some award. Derek absolutely hates award shows. I guess that's a good thing because he can stay home and watch the kids while I attend the events where I'm nominated for something. I think it's all rather exciting, especially because I only did very small things before getting the role of Rey.

"And the winner is... Parker McCoy!" I hear all of a sudden.

I majorly spaced out while thinking about Derek. I sit in my chair completely shocked and motionless. John has to nudge me to remind me that I just won an Empire Award and that I have to go up on stage. I stand up in a state of shock but soon gain my confidence as I walk up to the stage.

I say a short thank you speech and I have a completely fake smile on my face when I thank my husband, Derek McCoy. I hope no one notices. It would be a huge problem if it got out that I don't like him since he doesn't even know yet.

The night continues. The Force Awakens takes home the most awards of the night so that's super exciting. John wins his category of best male newcomer. J.J wins best director which I believe is well deserved. He is an incredible director and an amazing guy.

After all the awards have been given, John and I go to get pictures taken of us with our awards. We pose with each other and just have fun. It's exciting. After the press takes lots of pictures of us, we head to the after party. I drink a little, careful not to get too drunk again that I end up sleeping with someone. As the night continues, I party with John like I don't have responsibilities. Tonight is a night for me to not worry about Derek or my kids.