Blue Monday

Chapter 22 - Nothing Left To Say

***ALEX***

I couldn't go to sleep at all last night. I must look terrible right now - I haven't even chanced looking in a mirror anytime in the last twenty-four hours to see just how bad.

And I'm going to be giving a eulogy for Gabe today at the mortuary in South Spellman. I had only one day to come up with something, anything to say. I couldn't even prepare any words. Well, people always say to speak from the heart, right?

That's pretty much what I end up doing after Mom says her short but sweet speech. Naturally, she doesn't have as much to say as I do. I hate to say anything remotely bad about her, but the plain truth is, I was closer to Gabe than she was.

I walk up to the little stand next to the opening to the crematorium oven. This place is very similar to the Coldfire Creek Mortuary where Fionna's memorial was held in November. So similar, in fact, that it might as well be that exact same building.

I look at the mourners gathered in front of me. Besides Mom, there's everyone who was with us when Gabe died. Luca, Juliet, Gideon, Paul, Aron. Even Russell came by, as did Ross Whelan. He told me and Mom before coming into the mortuary that he'd made sure the police knew who was responsible for Gabe's death, and that Leah was now stuck in a padded cell in the psych ward at Alameda County Jail. Apparently, the woman had gone totally catatonic in the wake of her near-death experience. Me, I've read Artemis Fowl enough times to suspect she must be somehow faking it, but that's not bloody likely.

Rounding out our group of Far-From-Merry Men (and Women) is Kyle Prado. Angel-Kyle, not scriv-Kyle. He'd been devastated to get the phone call from me telling him his boyfriend was dead. So devastated, in fact, he actually had to hang up to take some time to cry before calling back for the time and place for Gabe's cremation. I'm glad he did that - it gave me a chance to vent some feelings, too.

"Well," I say slowly. "Didn't think I'd have to go to another one of these so soon."

A few people give small laughs. Luca, I'm pretty sure, is one of them. Aron, too.

"Yeah," I say. "Last time I did something like this, it was for Fionna Lee. She's the girlfriend I wouldn't have had without Gabe. He would always do this for me, set up blind dates with demons - even though, until he finally set Fionna up with me, none of them worked out. We never talked about why they never worked, but I don't think we ever needed to. Because I think we both knew the real reason why. Girls at Castledown would no doubt hear about me, the angel with a brother in hell, and they'd think I was some exotic piece of ass waiting to be tapped."

Pause for a little more laughter.

"So they'd go to Gabe, asking him to set them up with me, and he'd do that. Because even though he was pretty sure these girls weren't my type, Gabe was never one to say no." I look down at his sheet-covered body, which is lying on the table in front of the podium, waiting to be incinerated. "Of course, I'm sure he had to have said no at least a few times. He was a great brother, and the last thing he would have wanted would have been for me to have a really sucky time with a really lousy girl.

"I still can't believe it myself - that those days of fun and games and just...just...general boyishness are gone now. Not that it was all fun and games for me and Gabe, though. Some of you here are already aware of this, but the reason why we ended up going to school in Coldfire Creek was because we - but especially Gabe - got bullied a lot in junior high." In the back of the room, I see Ross cock his eyebrow, and I give him a death glare for a split second. Just enough to scare him out of standing up to challenge what I just said with his claim about his payments being the real reason for Gabe and me going to boarding school.