Here in the In-Between

16 : I Can't Think of a Title

Sunday, June 28th
1:04 AM

To this day I would still give anything to be a wolf.

Or to be a character in an anime world.

I have discovered an amazing thing for all you weebs, like me! Animeflix. It's a better Netflix, but for anime.

I've been searching for years for this one anime, Wolf Children, I watched clips awhile back of it and I fell in love. I believe it was four to five years of searching, I'm flat broke so it was always out of reach. There, just grazing my fingertips, I just couldn't grasp hold.

What can I say? I like poetry and anime, I can get dramatic.

But anime and otome games are the only things keeping me going nowadays. Getting attached to fictional people made up of pixels, it gives me so much natural dopamine. I feel so happy. It's the only thing that does it anymore.

That's why, when it ends. When I finish the movie or series or game, I feel so awful.

As my sister-in-law says, "It's like you're lost and you don't know what to do."

I go from feeling blessed to having my heart removed and just being left there to rot. Another body among the piles of people who get too attached.

I don't like that feeling.

I always cry.

I don't like crying.

So, now it's over. The credits have rolled and here I am. I get to watch a character go through a lot, I get to attempt comfort when they cry or lose, I get to smile with them, I get to laugh. I get to see them grow. So when it's all over, I will never see them again. I won't go on new adventures, I won't experience new things with them, I won't be able to do anything the same way. It makes my insides feel twisted and the rest of me numb. What is that feeling?

I don't like that feeling either.

I think that's why every anime I've started, besides movies, and every otome game I've played I never finish them. Not once. I can't stand this feeling, it hurts too much. I can't handle it.

I know I'm not special, I know a lot of people do or feel the same way. But, like my mother, I can't handle pain. I enjoy it in small doses, but this type of pain that lasts for a long time, I can't do it.

I'm a very weak person.

In so many ways.

Just watch Wolf Children, if you do on Animeflix it is a little slow and you may get an error message. Just refresh the page and find where you left off.

Hi, I'm Harmony.