Here in the In-Between

27 : Blocky Tears

Thursday, August 27th
8:35 PM

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That, that screen was my entire childhood. That screen was one of the few good memories I have as a young child.

Minecraft 1.0.0 that was released in 2011. That was the first video game I ever played. I had seen my brother play video games at his dad's, but I had never touched a controller or tablet or computer.

My family is really poor.

I remember the first time I saw it. I went with my brother to his dad's house like I had done many times before. This time Kenny played Minecraft, I still remember the music. I watched him play for months, at his dad's house and at our mom's place. Eventually we moved in with another one of mom's boyfriends.

It was a big beach house, or so I'm told. I don't remember the beach being anywhere near it. At the time was the biggest place I had lived at. It had the base floor and a second floor, no basement.

The first floor consisted of a living room, bathroom, kitchen, and my first dining room. The second floor had three bedrooms and a bathroom, both were completely new to me. Before this we had only stayed at one place where we had our own rooms, my great-grandma's house.

There is where I played my first video game. After a lot of convincing Kenny got me to try out Minecraft. I was really hesitant, I didn't know what the buttons did and didn't know what holding a controller would feel like. I don't remember what we played on at the time, but Kenny later got an Xbox 360 that we played Minecraft on.

When I was ten my brother ran away from home. He was away in some warmer state, but before he left he gave me his Xbox and Minecraft about a year prior. He came back to Minnesota when I was twelve, but had no contact with me until I was thirteen.

When I was nine I didn't play much, simply because I enjoyed watching my brother play his own more complex and "mature" games. However once he left, Minecraft was my entire life.

He took everything of his. I only had the blanket he gave to me when I was born, and that video game. I missed him so much. He was a pain in my ass, but when he was gone I realized everything he did for me. He took my mom's physical and verbal blows for me, he snitched on me but knew I wouldn't get into much trouble, he teased me but he didn't know any better, he allowed me to play war with his toys and action figures along with my own dolls. He introduced me to Star Wars, Star Trek, Marvel, really old movies and antiques because he likes that type of stuff. He not only kept mom's substance abuse away from me, but also his own. I will never be able to repay him.

But playing Minecraft into the night and building countless worlds not only distracted me, but also reminded me of when we would do that together. When he brought me snacks while I was playing and allowed me to play as long as I wanted, even though I'm sure he wanted to play. Or how he would check up on my progress and see how I was doing. Or when I would get stuck in a cave or lost he would take control and get me home. If I had recently died when he was checking up on me he would go back and get my stuff.

We only had each other at home.

Kenny was the only thing I ever had.

I remember I came home from school one day. I had to be about eleven and a half, the Xbox was gone.

Mom sold it. Along with the Minecraft game.

Hi, I'm Harmony.