【 Spoiled Imagination 】

Something that's both art and not art-

Yeah, this is going to be a venty chapter. It has a drawing with it, which is why it's in here. I'll add it to my salt book too, but for now, here it goes.

My persona's head is big in this drawing. And Geisha's hair changed yet again. P. Tahir looks great though! And Violet looks passable tbh.

Anyways, so this was a redraw of the birthday drawing from last year. I kinda like it, even with the stupid flaws. I really like it anyways. Wonder how long that'll last.

Now um- normally, I don't vent about my issues online, unless it's art related, so this is probably not going to be up very long. And if it is, it was probably because I didn't delete it.

My birthday is August 1st, so basically 5 more days from now. Cool right? Awesome! I'm going to be 17 years old. It's supposed to be a day of celebration and stuff but honestly, the more I think about it, the more empty and sad it feels. I should be looking forward to it, but like last year and the year before, I kinda just feel indifferent about it. A small part of me is excited and hopeful, but the majority is just feeling 'whatever' about it. I kind of wish I didn't feel so bad about it, but I can't help it. I just do. Not to mention it feels like I don't even deserve one. I have nothing to show for my age or for getting older. I feel the same. Maybe worse, but the same. I don't have a job or anything. I'm just me. And it sucks. 

My birthday has steadily gone down to being a day that just... exists for me. A day of literally zero significance. Nothing really happens on that day. Sometimes I'll be given birthday money the day of, but it's kinda rare. The last real birthday celebration I had on my birthday was a long time ago, and nowadays I'm just told 'Happy Birthday." It's nice, it really is don't get me wrong! I do like it... I just wish that I didn't have to rely on people saying that day for me to be reminded it was the day I came into existence. Just for my last year of being technically a child/minor, I kind of want my birthday to feel special. I was kind of snubbed of that last year from money issues, and I never got to celebrate my 'Sweet 16', so I guess I kind of want a 'Sweet 17' this year. I probably won't get it, as this year has gone so horribly for literally everyone. 

I kind of sound really bratty talking about this now- shit-

Okay no, I don't want people to feel compelled to say 'happy birthday' to me or to feel bad or anything. I just want to get some feelings off my chest. Every single year since I turned 14, I just get these same emotions and I don't really have an outlet for them. Well that was until I met my boyfriend, but he already knows my feelings towards the day I was brought into the world. I don't know why I posting it here other then maybe to just tell you guys why I might just... not be in the mood for anything. I already worked on the Prompt 3 chapter so all I have to do is publish it the day of and then the winners (if I don't post things early anyways). 

Please, if you're reading this chapter, don't make me anything. I would feel so bad knowing you only made something because I said I was sad about my birthday. In fact, just like... don't acknowledge it.. I would rather it just be another stupid day then for it to be something 'important' anyways.

Anyways, in short, my birthday sucks, I'm probably not the only one who hates their birthday, and I'm kind of bumming myself out thinking about my birthday and writing about it. So um- I'm done. 

Good night, I hope you guys are doing well. Sorry for this stupid, waste of time chapter.

Here have this bad meme to make up for it. It's literally so cringy that you'll forget the vent you read.