I am my own oppressor

Another Day

I dragged my gym clothes over my skin and adjusted them until I looked... half decent. I grabbed my phone, gym bag and purse then headed out to the gym. It was around 7pm and I was having a training session with my personal trainer, Hyeokkwon.

I got there and he greeted me with a smile before asking, "Have you taken your pre-workout y/n?" I lied, nodding with a smile and then we got started with the weights. You see, I don't really think pre-workout is that necessary. Post-workout is what matters right?

It's less calories that way anyway.

Today was one of my restriction days of the week (out of 4) so all I'd eaten that day was kimchi, rice and seaweed which came out to 175 calories in total. I can't lie and say that I felt fine because I actually felt like I was about to collapse.

After around 40 minutes of heavy weights, I really started to feel it and I think my trainer noticed aswell. He said, "Y/n, let's take a break, you look exhausted." After a 5 minute break, we finished with 15 minutes of treadmill and walked out onto the street, Hyeokkwon talking about what to eat.

I started to panic as I was planning on just going home and having some chicken breast and skimmed milk. He nodded towards the lit up 7-Eleven across the street from us and I just automatically said yes. Ffs. It's fine, I told myself, I'll just buy some chicken breast and some side vegetable.

We went into the store and he started picking up Ramen, pickled eggs, and different kinds of sausages. I joked, "You must be hungry."

He replied, "This is for both of us, silly."

I wanted to shout at him but I held it in. "Hyeokkwon, this is too much, just pick what you want, okay? I'll go pick some things for myself aswell."

He agreed cheerfully and went to another Isle. I sighed and felt a wave of anxiety engulf me. I honestly wanted to hide behind a packet of ramen.

I went over to the packaged protein section and decided on some spicy marinated chicken breast as it was the lowest calorie option there. Then I picked out a small packet of pickled radish and a carton of 0% fat milk which in total came out to be 200 calories. We both paid for our food before heating it up in the microwave and finally sitting down together to eat.

Hyeokkwon looked down at my food, then back at me. "Y/n, is that all you're going to have?" he asked with a worried face.

I nodded and said, "I have a lot of left-overs I need to eat at home later, so I don't want to get too full now."

He seemed convinced so we kept talking and laughed at random things here and there. We quickly finished and headed out again, this time to my apartment because Hyeokkwon insisted on taking me home.

We neared a few karaoke places and a group of girls started to come in our direction.

They were all skinny, with thin toned legs, thigh gaps and tiny waists. They approached Hyeokkwon and one of them exclaimed, "Omo, hi! You make YouTube videos right? "

They kept conversing with him and you know, being typical fans until one of the girls suddenly asked, "Oppa, is this your girlfriend?"

I froze, cringing at what she said, then frantically stated, "no, no, he's just helping me train at the gym."

She then laughed, along with the rest of the group and said, "That's a relief, I was shocked to see such a chubby girl with Oppa, right?"

They all just laughed it off and I laughed nervously with them before looking over at Hyeokkwon. He was looking at me with a concerned look so I smiled at him so that he wouldn't worry.