You're Not My Mom

Ch. 18

Hayley's pov

I hate this so much. Why do I have to open up this much just to get information about my dad? I don't think it's fair. I'm not comfortable with her knowing this much about my past. Hell, I don't even tell her much of the present!

But do I want to get in contact with my dad? Absolutely. So at this point I just have to suck it up and tell her what she wants to know.

"There's a lot you don't know about my mom that close to no one knows. There's things she'll never be honest with you about. The past being a big part of that. My dad is not the person she's made him out to be. She's not the person she's made herself seem to be. She had me when she was 16, both of them were 16. She did not want me, but she was too far along to just abort me. My dad wanted to keep me so that's what they did. My mom didn't want to be a parent and left all the parenting to my dad while he worked and had to put up with her bullshit too. My mom never matured, never. It was always drinking, partying with her friends, and getting High. She's just leave me with my dad and then just leave for weeks without a word. She didn't want to hear my dad so she'd just turn her phone off for weeks and pretend neither of us existed. Pretending I didn't exist is exactly what she did when he had to work and she was left with me. There was no feeding me. There was no talking to me. There was no hugging me. There was no playing with me. There was nothing." I start.

I hate this, I hate this so much.

Demi's pov

I honestly can't believe she's being honest with em. This is something I never thought would happen. Hearing what I have so far, I know this isn't going to be easy for her to talk about.

"Of course when one person gives me all of that, I'm going to latch onto them. Which I did. My dad became everything to me because he was the only person to give me all that I needed and wanted. My mom hurt me. My asking her to simply play with me lead to a slap in the face so hard it bruised. She aimed to hurt me and then laughed about it. There was a time she tripped me when I was running to my dad and I broke my arm and she laughed about it. She was so proud of herself. My dad took me to the hospital and when we got back, she was at a party. Didn't see her for another week. There's times I'd ask her to do something and it's be 'I didn't want you, but have you and all stuck with you. But do you see me complaining? No you don't, suck it up'. My dad stepped up and I was everything I needed him to be, my mom never did. She tries now, but when you're damaged that early on and someone tries to fix it, it doesn't feel sincere." She continues.

Once we hit a red light, I turn my head to her and see the tears streaming down her face, "She started to be a parent when she met you which makes me feel like she only does it because, it's all for show. She doesn't care, how can she care when all I heard for the first years of my life was 'I don't want you' or 'I didn't ask for you' or just physically abused me and neglected me? She doesn't care. My dad did, and he left her with nothing because she deserved nothing. At some point you have to give up on someone. My dad gave up on her because no matter what he did, she didn't want to change her ways. He wanted me, he wanted me more than anything he left with. My mom wouldn't let him. Because she knew I wanted him and she was going to hurt him by hurting me. Me staying with her was all she had to do." Her voice shakes.

"I want my dad ok. I don't want to be here, I've never wanted to be here." She cries, "I can't even look at her without pain. I can't forget all she's done. I can't trust anything she says or does. You two think I am so unaware of what's about to happen and I'm not. And I don't know why my mom who's caused me so much pain already, thinks what you two decided on was a good idea. Why would I ever want that?"

"What do you mean what we decided on? You've lost me now Hayley." I say.

"I know my moms pregnant. Which really blows my mind when she didn't even want her first child and treated her like crap. Hurt her more than anyone else ever will or could. Then just really thinks I'll be happy with that idea when I watch her treat a child in a way she's never treated me. It blows my mind it really blows my mind." She cries.

Ok so she did see the test in the garbage and put together the pieces together about her moms sickness too. No wonder she's been so spiteful of the both of us. I understand things now though. I understand why she wants her dad. I understand why she punched her mom when she was trying to help her yesterday.

She's hurting, the only time her moms out her hands on her was to hurt her. She struck first in fear. I understand it all now.

"Hayley, I'll do what I can to find him, but it's up to you to contact him. Where that'll lead to, I don't know. If it leads to him wanting to see you, I'm willing to try and talk with your mom and make that happen. You were right about their being two sides to the story. She definitely didn't tell me this part of it." I say.

"I know she didn't, she never does. It's always my dads such an awful person and she's just so innocent in everything. It's not like that, it's never been like that, it'll never ever like that. She tells only the parts that'll make her look good. She always does." She cries.

I don't want to admit it, but I agree. This wasn't what I was told the past was. Eleanor completely left it all out. What she told me made her look like the victim. But the victim in it all was Hayley.

It is making me question how much she's told me is actually a lie. It's hard to believe anything she'll say from this point forward when something so big if the past was a lie. She wasn't even honest about a past relationship, not even about her relationship with Hayley. How am I supposed to believe anything she tells me when she's lied to me about something as important as this?

"I want what's best for you and if staying with your dad is what's best, then I want to see that happen. I do think that's what's best for you. I can't imagine how hard this all is." I say.

"Why wouldn't you tell me this was even happening? Like what you two are doing is effecting my life too."

I see the light turn green and I focus back on the road, "Hayley, it was your moms decision to keep it from you. Not mine. I didn't agree with it, but you're her daughter and I didn't want to start anything. I agree this does effect you too and you should've been in the know. Your mom didn't want to say anything until we knew and she was out of the miscarriage period."

"For the sake of your future, you might want to hope she does have a miscarriage. Because you're about to be my dad 2.0." She says wiping her tears yet again.

Had I known this, I wouldn't have agreed to have a child with Eleanor. I'm fearing exactly what Hayley just said. I hope that Eleanors actually wanting to be a mom and isn't doing this to please me, and knows her mistakes. I just don't know though.

I wasn't worried about things until now. Hayley's behavior makes total sense when you know her past. So seeing the effect it's had on her, it makes me scared for the future.