Just Have Faith

15.

"Faith you ready mamas?" Londyn said walking into the room.

I didn't look up.

I didn't respond.

How could I be ready? How could I ever be ready to bury the love of my life? How could I possibly be ready to watch people speak on him and tell stories in the past tense.

He was never coming back.

I would never see him again, and people were going to talk about him, tell stories about him. How was I supposed to prepare for that?

You would think I would have been prepared for this moment. The moment I would watch the casket go down. Six feet under the ground.

Each time Damien got shot I thought, this was it. And he was still there. Each time he came back to me. He came back for me. Why couldn't this time be any different? Why didn't he walk out of that house and run to me. Why?

"Damien! Damien!" I yelled running towards the house.

This is not happening. Not again. This will not be my life. I will NOT be planning the funeral for the love of my life. I won't be that girl, making sad Rest In Peace posts on instagram. I will not be posting a picture of Damien with angel wings and clouds. I'm going to run in here and we will both walk out of this house.

BOOM

I flew back. I almost made it. I sat up immediately as people crowded as these ladies tried to keep me back.

"Let me go. PLEASE. Let me go! Damien!" I yelled. "Damien!" 

Then came the sirens. I watched in horror as firefighters tried to put the fire out as the police began to try to push people back.

"Please. Please  I need to know he's ok please." I cried.

"Sir, she's yelling out for someone who was in that house. Someone is in there." One of the ladies holding me told one of the officers.

I watched

And watched.

The fire was finally put out.

And I watched some more as fire fighters went into the house.

Searching through the ruble. Nobody called for a gurney. So I waited some more.

"Faith?" I heard someone call my name. I turned and saw Boomer. He worked for the guys at the club. The minute he saw me crying he knew something was wrong and he began to make phone calls. "I got her" He told the ladies. They looked hesitant but I nodded that I was okay.

Boomer kept talking on the phone as I kept watching.

Each time they came out I expected someone to come out with a coughing Damien.

I saw nothing.

"Faith I need you to explain to me what happened." Boomer said turning me away from the scene.

I couldn't find my words. The tears kept coming but the words never came. I shook my head as the tears kept coming. I opened my mouth to speak and still nothing.

"Ok. Ok" He said as he hugged me trying to comfort me as I turned back around to see if they found him yet.

After what felt like hours a police officer walked over to me asking me questions.

"Are you sure someone was in there?" He asked me. I looked at him.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?" He said.