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"Kairi, come on we going to glammy house" I said rushing to pack my bag. 

'Glammy' was what Kairi called my mother. My mom said she was too young and cute to be called a grandma. I just let her rock.

Today was a busy day. It's been a week since we buried Damien. There was a lot of legal things I now had to go through. Mainly involving Kairi. Because Damien is her parent but is now deceased Kairi would technically go to next of kin, which would be his parents. They had no problem keeping her but a few weeks ago before Damien died we had a conversation and I promised I would take care of Kairi if anything ever happened to him.

I had a conversation with Damien's parents and now I'm going through the process of legally adopting Kairi. This morning I had a meeting and the application was approved. It was currently 12:30pm and I had a meeting with the contractors and my manager about my store. Because the last 3 weeks were crazy she's been taking all the meetings with the contractors and handling things. She's 9 months officially in about 2 days and so this was the last physical meeting she would be at. I was giving her 3 months off to rest and spend time with her family after she gives birth.

"Ok I ready" Kairi said coming out of her room. She looked so much like Damien. Literally his twin.

"It's 'I'm' sweety." I corrected her.

"I'm" She corrected.

"Good job". I said holding her hand walking out of Damien's house. I still had my apartment but I figured I should ween her out of living here. I strapped her into her car seat and put my bags and her backpack in the seat next to her.

Getting into the front seat I adjusted myself and connected my phone. 'Till The Wheels Fall Off" by A Boogie began to play as I backed out of the driveway and began the drive to my moms house.

"I saw my daddy last night" Kairi said.

"What you said?" I asked her turning down the music.

"I said I saw daddy last night" She repeated.

"Thats what I thought you said, Oh yea and what did he say?" I asked her.

"He said he be home soon" She said.

I'm not sure what to say. I mean everyone has dreams... she misses him. So maybe she's imagining it. How do I tell her it was just a dream? "Okay, Kairi are you sure it wasn't a dream?"

"I saw him. I did" She replied.

"Kairi remember I explained to you what happened to daddy?" I asked.

"Yes, but I saw him I saw him" She said as her voice cracked.

"Ok, ok don't cry. Ok" My phone rang suddenly. It was Milan.

I answered. "Hey baby momma"

"Hey, you up for some baby shopping today? Jalil had something to handle with Rakim and I don't wanna go by myself. None of the girls answered the groupchat so I'm calling you hoes one by one."

"Okay yea sure, I have a meeting in a bit I'm On my way! to Queens right now to drop Kairi off. I should be done by 3:30. Thats good? I'll drive." I told her.

"Ok yea let me see what them bitches doing. Bye love you, bye Kai mommas" Milan said.

"Bye mimi mommas" Kairi answered.

"Aigh bye boo, love you too." I hung up. I checked the time, I was a little behind schedule.

I didn't, and don't, know how to handle Kairi saying she saw her dad. She misses him. I miss him. I see him all the time in my dreams, how do I explain to a 2 year old it was a dream. That there was no way she saw her father because he's gone. He's never coming back. Ever. Because he's dead. They killed him. A house doesn't just blow up. Someone killed him. How do I explain to her that she just lost the one man who would love her regardless. How do I explain that she would never get her dad back? Never hug him again. Never kiss him again. Never pretend to drink tea with him. Never ride on his shoulders again. Never go down a slide together again. That her memories won't go past 2 years old. That she won't get a father daughter dance at her sweet 16. He won't walk her down the aisle.

Yes, I explained to her but how much explaining can you really give a 2 year old? She can't necessarily grasp the whole concept. Which is why she thinks she saw him in real life when it was just a dream. This may have been in part of the closed casket at the funeral. They never found his body. But if he was still alive there's no way he wouldn't come back for us. He wouldn't abandon us. He wouldn't do that.

"FayFay"

"Yes my love" I answered Kairi.

"Can i have a party for birthday?"

"What kind if party theme you want?" With everything happening I forgot Kairi's birthday was in 2 months. I was gonna have a 3 year old. We would've had a 3 year old. We were talking about how our family would be in a few years. Maybe 2 more children. A boy & another girl. He had so many hopes, so many dreams. And he couldn't accomplish anything else. He was really gone.

"I want a bratz party! With ponies and I want a fashion show! And I want to go to disney land!" She answered.

Chile, this girl gon' run my pockets dry. Anything for my Kai beans though. "Ok my love I will make it happen." I respond to her.

"Daddy said he would take me to Disney land when he comes home" She said nonchalantly looking out the window as I pulled up outside my mom's house.

I didn't know how to respond to it. I don't know how to respond to that. How would he even know to tell her that. It has to be a dream. There's no way. Right? I'm tripping. I texted my mom I was outside so she can come get Kairi. Turning off the car, I went around to take Kairi out for of her booster seat. My mom came out smiling like a cheshire cat. Ear to ear.

"Kai baby!" She said coming up behind me taking her bag out of my hand.

"Glammy! I miss you" Kairi said practically pushing me out the way and jumping on my mother. At least everything didn't completely change for her. She still has the rest of us. I have to look at the positives or I'll sink back into my depression. I can't afford it right now. I have to keep a level head for Kairi. If I fall apart so will she.

"Okay mom, I'm headed to a meeting and then hitting up the mall with the girls. I'll text when i'm on my way back. Kairi come give me a hug and kiss bye." I called out.

"Bye FayFay!" She said still walking towards my moms house.

"Girl you better stop playing with me and come give me a hug!" I called after her.

She ran over, gave me a hug and then ran into my moms house.

"How you feeling?" My mom asked.

"I'm ok mommy, I'll make it. Text me if she needs anything or if you need anything. Love you, thank you." I responded keeping it short.

I got back in my car not pulling off until my mom safely was back inside. I hate feeling like a sad pitiful helpless woman. Everyone who sees me always asks am I ok. Walking on eggshells around me like I'll break if the wrong thing is said. I hate it.

-----------------------------------

Hiiiiiiiiiii! Do I have the right to even be so enthusiastic? After a year i know y'all thinking oh this bitch got some NERVE! i get it i get it apologies. I'm back. I went through alot this past year... went through writers block. Wasn't sure what I wanted from this book anymore. Safe to say that period is over. I will be back to updating every week on sundays. (at least i will try) I had half of this chapter written for like 6 months and got stuck. This is just a little filler chapter. Which is why it isn't as long as my previous chapters. In the process of writing the next one as you read this. Love you guys so much! And again apologies!

xoxo

Faith

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⏰ Last updated: Apr 15, 2022 ⏰

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