Johnlock Oneshots

"I need to know, do you love me?" Part 2

John was frozen. He couldn't move. "I'm sorry. We're done." was he kidding? John had waited years for this. Hell, he had wanted Sherlock since they day they met. He had finally worked up the courage to admit to Sherlock how he felt. And it was so perfect too! It was right after a case, they had arrived home, both in high spirits. Sherlock had that gorgeous smile on his face and John hadn't been able to help himself. He kissed Sherlock and Sherlock miraculously kissed him back. He felt like he was floating at that very moment and never wanted to move. He felt like time had stopped and nothing could ever ruin that moment. Now, Sherlock wanted to take it all back? John couldn't seem to understand. Had he pretended? Was that it? Had he simply kissed him back to spare John's feelings? John felt like the air had been sucked out from him. Tears started to form at the rim of his eyes and he blinked them away. No. No he would not do this! He was not going to cry. If Sherlock wanted to forget it ever happened then it was forgotten.

In reality though, it really wasn't. He kept reliving that kiss all the time. When he had breakfast, while on a case, even when he was sleeping. He was a wreck. But Sherlock was fine. Oh, he was just great! He was solving cases and acting like nothing ever happened. But that was not true! Something had happened! They had kissed! Had he truly thought that Sherlock loved him back? It was all too good to be true. He was probably too ordinary. Sherlock needed someone that challenged him. Someone that wasn't him.

Now John was at their flat. "Their" flat. That almost made him laugh. The word felt weird on John's tongue. It would never really be "theirs," at least not how John wanted it to be. He heard the front door open and close and realized that it was Sherlock. He was probably back after finishing solving the Higgins case. John grabbed the newspaper next to him and made himself look busy. Sherlock bursted into the living room, breathing heavily, smiles and all. John wanted to punch him. No he didn't. He really wanted to kiss him but he reallyyyy needed to stop thinking that way. Sherlock was his friend. His flat mate. Nothing but a colleague that helps with the rent.

"John!"

"What?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

John blinked a couple times before realizing he had been ignoring Sherlock. Ignoring him because he had been thinking about him no less. He signed internally and plastered a fake smile on his face.

"Sorry. I was thinking about something. What were you saying?" John hoped Sherlock couldn't read his face.

Sherlock squinted slightly before resuming his story. Something about the case and how "obvious" it was. John tried to listen, he really did, but he couldn't stop his mind from wandering to places it really shouldn't go. Like how Sherlock looked after a case, his curls strewn about his head in a random fashion, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes full of excitement and adrenaline. Then he remembered their conversation. THE conversation. The one where Sherlock didn't want to be with John. John stood up suddenly, unable to act like everything with fine, and walked to his room.

"John? John where are you going?"

"Room." That was all John could let out before he felt tears begin to stain his cheeks. He heard Sherlock call out but he couldn't even concentrate on his words. He needed to be alone.

"John what's wrong." He looked up to find Sherlock at his doorway, concern marking his features.

John had to laugh. He was kidding right? He had to be joking?

"What's wrong?" John said with a laugh and a shake of his head, "You know for a genius you can be really stupid sometimes."

Sherlock's jaw fell open and stared at John, seeming at a loss for words.

"Wow what a first. The great Sherlock Holmes has nothing to say?" John knew he was being cruel. But he didn't care. Sherlock had broken his heart.

Sherlock just stood there.

"John.."

"No. No, don't 'John' me! You broke my heart Sherlock. My heart! Do you understand that?" John felt more tears begin to roll down his face, but he didn't care. Sherlock had to know. He needed to know how this effected him.

"Let me explain."

"No. You hurt me, Sherlock! You could have pushed me away. You could have not kissed me back. You could have not made me look like a fool!"

"John, please." Sherlock looked at the floor, making himself look smaller.

"Look at me." John watched as Sherlock slowly raised his head and was shocked at what he saw. He was looking at a broken man. He had never seen Sherlock this way.

"John. We can't be together. You have to understand that."

"I want a reason." John said through gritted teeth.

"I'll mess it up."

"What?" John expected other reasons but not this one.

"I'll mess it up John. I always do. I screw up every relationship I've ever had before it has even started. You were the only exception."

"Exactly! We can make it work!" John made his way to Sherlock, but Sherlock took a step a back.

"No we can't. I won't be good to you. I don't know how to be romantic, John. I don't work that way. You know this, you're just ignoring it but you know. I'm not someone you can be in a relationship with. I don't go on dates and surprise their partner with gifts. I don't know how to do that."

"You wouldn't need to. I want you for you! Sherlock we are meant for each other. I know you don't want to believe it but it's true! You wouldn't have kissed me back if you didn't."

"That was a mistake. It should have never happened. I shouldn't have allowed it to happen."

"Are you saying it was all fake? That you merely did it because you were in shock?" John didn't know what answer he wanted to hear but he had to know.

"No, it wasn't fake. But that's not the point. The point is we wouldn't last."

"You can't say that unless we try." John wasn't going to let Sherlock go without a fight.

"I've analyzed the evidence thoroughly and came to the conclusion that we couldn't work."
"What evidence?"

"Your past relationships, my ability, or rather my inability, to make a relationship work. We would ruin our friendship and we can't risk that. I can't risk losing you. I'd rather keep you as a friend and never be anything more than losing you forever."

"You wouldn't lose me! Sherlock, being in a relationship is a joint effort. You think I don't have faults? I do. But we balance each other. We work together."

"Please. I can't risk it." Sherlock's voice cracked and looked down, tears staining the floor beneath him.

John slowly stepped forward, careful not to make Sherlock run away.

"I love you Sherlock. More than a friend, a flat mate, a colleague or any other name people have for us. There I said it. I love you. I can't take it back now and I sure as hell never will."

"John you need to understand the statistics. The ability for us to make it work based on the evidence of our past relationships is-"

"Fuck the evidence! That data, or what ever you call it, is inaccurate. I was in love with you even when I dated other people. I fucked up all my relationship, even if I didn't realize it, because they weren't you.

Sherlock remained silent.

"I need to know, do you love me?"

Sherlock nodded.

"No, I need to hear it."

"I love you."

Neither spoke a word as they stared at each other.

John was the first speak.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yes."