Mula Noon Hanggang Ngayon

~14

Binuksan ni Francis ang pinto sa kwarto ni Ella at natagpuan niya itong nakaupo sa higaan.

"Ella, I'm sorry. Hindi ko naman akalain na ganito mo dadamdamin ito. Sana sinabi ko na lang kaagad."

Hindi ito humarap sa kanya. Bagkus ay lumabas ito sa balkonahe.

"Bakit mo pa ako sinanay na nandito ka palagi kung iiwan mo rin pala ako?" Parang lahat ng hinanakit simula ng magsimulang lumayo si Francis sa kanya ay naipon lahat. She didn't know she was that wounded. 

"Hindi sa ganun. Ayaw mo ba akong umalis?"

   Ella never tried to stop him in doing something. Though she was being competitive with him, she never tried to use guilt trip on him. Pero iniisip nito ngayon that he was betraying her and that he was trying to be a better dela Vega than her. But it wasn't his intention. Kung hihilingin nitong hindi siya tumuloy ay gagawin niya. He could have the best education here in the Philippines. He could persuade their father.

"May magagawa pa ba ako? Ni hindi mo nga ako tinanong o sinabihan tungkol sa plano mo eh. Pero mabuti na rin ito nang hindi na ako masanay na lagi kang kasama." Mabuti na ang ganito, para makalimutan ko na ang bwisit na damdamin na'to. Ella was strong and she wouldn't break down in front of him again. She sincerely hoped so.

Well, now, he was hurt. Simpleng tampuhan lang ito. Ngayon ay itinataboy na siya nito palayo.

"Doll..."

"Don't call me that! Stop calling me that! Tapos ka na role mo sa buhay ko di ba? You're free to do what you want now."

"What role? Hindi ko na naiintindihan kung anong pinagsasasabi mo!" She was being irrational. Hindi na tungkol sa pagpasok niya sa Harvard ito.

They never fought like that before. Petty quarrels as children, oo, but never a full blown argument. Ella had always been calm and composed while Mikael had always been amiable.

"I know you were adopted to fill in the male shoes I couldn't wear. And I know that Dad asked you to keep an eye on me. Simula pa lang alam ko na ang lahat. That you were being kind and sweet to me dahil iyon ang dapat. It was just because you're asked to.  It was never your own decision to be my perfect brother." And she hoped he didn't. Mas madali sana sa kanya ang isiping magkapatid nga sila. She tried to resent him before pero mahirap kalabanin ang kabaitan ni Francis.

"So you think na ginawa ko lang iyon because I need to. All this time you didn't believe that I genuinely care for you. Na lahat iyon, pakitang tao lang. Akala ko pa naman sa lahat ng tao, ikaw ang nakakakilala sa akin ng totoo. You think I didn't love you for real."

"I know you do. And it made me love you more than I should." Ella saw the pain. She knew how it hurts because that was how she felt too.

Parang hinihiwa ang puso ni Francis sa kanyang naririnig. Ella didn't know how much true he was to her more than he should. She didn't know kung paano siya nasasaktan sa tuwing nasasaktan ito. She had no idea how he suppressed himself not to punch every suitor she had. She would never know how he fought hard with himself to be 'just' the perfect brother that he should be.  

"I don't know what's real or not. You made it hard to differentiate." Her voice was frosty it wrapped his broken heart and crushed it.

"So, you think I'm just pretending?" Lumapit si Francis kay Ella and grabbed her shoulders. "How's this for pretending?"

He crushed his mouth on hers and kissed her hard. Nanglaki ang mga mata ni Ella sa gulat and she was frozen in place.

Parang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig si Francis ng mapagtanto ang ginagawa. Binitawan niya ng padarang si Ella na hindi pa rin makapaniwala sa nangyari at umatras.

"F^*k..." Dali- daling lumabas ng kwarto ang binata habang ang dalaga'y nakatanga pa rin.

When Francis was totally out of the room, nanghihinang napaupo si Ella sa sahig at tuluyang naiyak.

"Ella, what happened?"

 Nakatagpo ni Mrs dela Vega ang panganay na lumalabas ito sa kwarto. Para itong nakakita ng multo ng makita siya at hindi man lang siya kinibo bago patakbong umalis. Napagbuksan naman niyang umiiyak ang bunso.

"Mommy..."

Dinaluhan niya ang dalaga at niyakap. Mukhang malaki ang naging tampuhan ng dalawa.

"Anong nangyari sa inyo ng kuya mo?" tanong niya.

Lalong naiyak si Ella at yumakap sa kanya ng mahigpit.

"Mommy...it hurts...it really hurts..."

"Did you fight with Francis? Did he hurt you?" Kaya ba parang takot na takot ito ng lumabas dahil napagbuhatan nito ng kamay ang kapatid?

"Ano bang pinag awayan ninyo? Hindi naman kayo nag - aaway ah." Patuloy lang sa pag-iyak si Ella at naguguluhan na siya.

"Ella, sagutin mo ako. Anong pinag - awayan ninyo? Sandali nga at tatawagin ko ang kuya mo." Umakto siyang tatayo pero pinigilan siya ng bunso at pilit na hinila pa - upo.

"Mommy, no! It’s not his fault."

"What's not his fault? What's happening? Sabihin mo sa akin ng hindi ako nanghuhula. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong nangyayari sa inyo!"

"Mum...?"

"Yes, baby?"

"I love him..."

"I know, baby. Kaya nga hindi ko ma----"

"...not as my brother."

Natulos si Mrs dela Vega sa kinauupuan. Tama ba ang narinig niya?

"I know it’s wrong. I tried hard not to feel this. But I just can't help it. Mommy, what will I do? Please, help me..."

That wasn't what she expected. Anong mangyayari sa pamilya nila?