Imperfect but mine

Chapter 10

Amaan

Thursday, 9:30 am

Numb.

I have heard others say this word before, but this is the first time I actually know what it means. Their words are paralyzing me. Each sound they make, is like a poison coated arrow targeted at my heart.

How did Aina and I get trapped in this vicious cycle? A cycle of torture and revenge. What were our faults in this? And when does this end? We were children...unaware, innocent and pure souls.

This is the first time in my 23 years of life when I don't want to know the truth. I don't care about the past and I want everyone to stop. Stop the blame game, the revenge, the hate. I don't want to remember anything, because I am afraid of our brutal hidden reality. Because it's true, that reality hurts. All I want to do is wrap Aina in my arms, run away from these monsters and keep her safe.

Aina shakes her head in disbelief and repeats, "I can't believe this. I can't-". She turns from her uncle to her father and asks, "What is he saying? Nothing makes sense to me."

She laughs and sits down in the lounge armchair saying, "This is just unbelievable. You wanted revenge from a little boy?" And then shouts, "Are you two crazies? Who does that?"

Her father finally lifts his head and speaks, "We didn't know they were hurting him that way. We had kidnapped him for vengeance, but we never touched him. The caretakers -the people who came to drop off food and other things- they were abusive to him. It was only after Farhana-". He chokes a sob and looks at his partner, who has sagged to the ground amidst tears.

He clears his throat and says, "Farhana took the boy away. She never told us what happened to him or how she got to know about him. But she told us how badly our men treated the child. Trust me, Aina. I sacked all of them."

"And you think that's enough? You think that sacking them was the largest punishment they could face after they molested a child for days?" she shouts at him.

"What about your punishment?" I finally ask. "What happens to you two?"

Mir Farooq look at me and says, "My first wife died of cancer, Amaan. My second wife has been sleeping with my colleague. My daughter hates me. My sister-in-law, who I considered as my own sister, committed suicide. Don't you think that the universe has already punished me?"

Aina walks up to her father. When she speaks, her strength and her resolve amaze me. "No. That is not enough. You don't know how it feels like to be touched, without your permission. You don't know how it feels to be trapped in a place or face the world alone. You don't know how it feels to beg for freedom."

"Your aunt wrote me a suicide note. She blamed me for her death and told me that even though I had set out to avenge her abuse, I ended up being an abuser myself. She said that she couldn't deal with her trauma and my turning into a monster. The day she killed herself; she killed me too," her uncle replies, shaking his head.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask and he nods.

"Are you sure you know who rap-"

"Yes!" they shout in unison. Their fists clench thinking of the incidents, I think. "Obaid and his family used to live next to our summer house. He was in our unit, but he worked different shifts than us. When I was not at home, he targeted my wife. My wife did not tell me about what had happened to her. When that man hurt Aina, Farhana broke her silence and spoke to us what had been happening to her. I had to do something."

"I saw red. He was my friend and my colleague. He had betrayed my trust and had hurt my daughter and my sister. I couldn't let him go easily. Because he was a cop, he knew how to cover for his crimes. We could have never put him behind bars. So, we planned our revenge," her dad adds.