Imperfect but mine

Chapter 1

Aina

If there's a rumor on campus about me, there's only a 25% chance it's actually true. People like talking about me and I won't deny that I love being the centre of their attention. I am popular and I love it that way.

Just like my dad, I am an overachiever. I always get what I want. It is what I have been taught to do. He's the head of the London Violent Crimes Task Force and he's damn good at his job. He has never left a case unsolved which makes him famous among the masses & his officers, and that makes me really proud. It has also made me learn how to load a magazine and how to shoot a gun, pretty early in life. Self defense... blah, blah, blah.. My dad is a big soft teddy when it comes to me; but is a ferocious bear when dealing with the rest of the world. 

I am also incredibly smart. And, no..modesty isn't my forte. Well...if you have it, flaunt it - that's my life motto. And truthfully, I have the brains. I have the power. I have the money. I have the face. I have the body. And I have no shame in flaunting any of it. 

I know this makes me look like a 'female dog' but here's the deal - I honestly don't care what most people have to say/think about me. Because I am what I am. I don't hide behind a facade and the double standards in society infuriate me. Like, it's cool if a human with XY chromosome parties all night; but it's shameful if someone with an XX chromosome does it. The scrutiny, the restrictions, the talks behind your backs - all because of an 'X' instead of a 'Y'. 

Look, I have gone out with boys since I was 15. It has always been easy for me. Well, it's not my fault if boys (or men) think with certain body parts, instead of their brains. And it's definitely not my problem that those said boys get possessive and creepy when I end the fling. Most act as if they have hooked with Angelina Jolie if I even agree to spend time with them.

But, I have never been interested in boyfriends - those seem permanent. My usual flings come with an expiration date and I like it that way. And I guess that's how the rumours spread. Maybe, it's from vengeance, or maybe they want to prove some point. Or maybe, because I never accept or deny the gossip. I am an easy target; but trust me, I am not easy.

A little secret about me - I have never done it. Nope, I have never gone all the way to LaLaLand. Partly, because I am a conservative girl at heart (ahem!!) and partly because of lack of chemistry. I have never really felt a strong connection with anyone - well, apart from him.

I don't know what it is about him that draws me in. Maybe, it's the patience with which he listens to the professor in class, or the concentration with which he reads textbooks amidst the chaos of the class, or the care he has for Asiya, or the compassion he shows the players of the losing team after every winning game, or the determination with which he scores a goal on the field.

Yes, you got it right. I love the guy. Go back, not love. Like. I like him, I do. But, the boy..man..whatever, he refuses to acknowledge my feelings. I will admit that his refusal had shocked me initially. Nobody has ever said 'No' to me. But over the six months that I have repeatedly asked him out and been repeatedly refused, I have grown to like the man more.

Look, I am not crazy...I swear. I am not obsessing over a guy - albeit, a very handsome but totally oblivious to it guy. I notice the way he looks at me when he thinks I am not looking, the way he reacts to my presence, the way he looks out for me, the way he protects me when the trolls come hounding at me. He wants me; but for whatever reason he's scared to be with me.

His eyes - those are my favorite. I feel a weird connection with his eyes - as if, I have known those orbs since ages. I want him to know that I want to be his safety net; that I am brave enough to handle whatever he's running away from. Every time he says 'No' - it hurts me, it breaks me because this isn't a game for me. For me, Amaan is it. He is the one I want to spend my life with. And I eagerly wait for the day, he realizes he wants me just as much as I want him.