𝗕𝗘𝗬𝗢𝗡𝗗 𝗥𝗘𝗗𝗘𝗠𝗣𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 | ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀ.

004 ჻ 𝙃𝙄𝙂𝙃 𝙎𝙋𝙄𝙍𝙄𝙏𝙎

TRAINING CORPS
(訓練隊)
YEAR 844

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AFTER a fleeting jog on the field with her roommate, Thalia sinks into her bed. The time is quarter to five in the morning and even the milieu is quiet.

She drinks in the silence through every pore, soothed by it's meditative quality. Each time a worrying thought emerges, she mentally jots it down on a paper, wraps it around a stone and throws it away into the abyss.

When her anxieties have finally leached into the void, she moves her aching limbs to find herself a new position.

She just lies there wrapped in her duvet, cocooned by the thick protective buffer of the absolute quiet.

Her life has been defined by a series of moments of impact. Moments she's felt collide with her at such force, they've reshaped her entire identity. Moments that have unapologetically burnt her world as she knows it to the ground, leaving her to sift through the ashes.

Each and every time she feels the ground stop shaking, she would find herself with a paintbrush in her hand, recreating the image of who she was. Gazing upon the canvas in front of her, she sees the significance of each brush stroke- she sees depth, she sees character, she sees wisdom, she sees humility, she sees empathy.

But most importantly, she sees how these moments of impact are stroke by stroke creating a more beautiful version of herself.

But, there's still something missing.

No matter how she tries to avoid it, she can't help but feel. . .

Empty.

She knows that life's puzzle lies not in just staying alive and being strong, but in searching something to live for. She knows she's living for her dead parents, yet she thinks there is actually more to that by dint of the desolation she's been harboring.

I need to find my real purpose.

Groaning, she stands up to get her new journal.

Renewing acquaintance between self and I, I realized peace could only be found once I had found myself. Once I knew who I was, who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. It is with ecstasy that I proclaim the endeavor successful. She thinks to herself.

"Mom, dad,

In less than a month now, I will be an actual soldier. A real soldier, like you, dad. Amazing, isn't it? I literally have no idea how I managed to survive the intense and harsh trainings. I surprisingly did well. But, I had to admit, all these things. . . they confuse me.

As much as I want to plan out my life, it always has a way of surprising me with unexpected things. For now, I'm confused of which path I'm going to take, and the more I think of it, the more confused I get.

Just know that I am trying to make sense of this war inside my head. The experience I grasped here in the Training Corps has taught me a lot of things, but it seems as if there is still a missing piece in the puzzle. I want to know, who am I fighting for? Or more specifically, what am I fighting for?

To protect the king, or the walls? Or even, to go beyond the walls?

This is so complicated. There are too many unanswered questions and they're moving rapidly. I'm really worried about the intended consequences, though unanswered questions are far less dangerous than unquestioned answers.