Morning Scars (Clandestine Series 1) (on-going)

Chapter Five

[5th Scar]

Palette

Pain flowing down my veins. Anger reaching my heart without effort. Our classroom was again filled with laughter. I wonder how would these people react when I suddenly shout right here? Can they still laugh?

Are they going to give me that scared expression?

"Meave, are you okay?"

I smiled at Jasniah and nod my head. We are currently eating in our classroom.

"You sure? You barely touch your food." Samantha asked. I always admired Samantha's vice. It's soothing and clear.

"Yes. I'm just thinking about something." I shrugged and stab the tuna flakes in my plate. Imagining that this is my flakes are my thoughts and I badly wants to crush it. I'm so done thinking. Six tables placed besides one another. Samantha who is quietly eating and Jasniah watching something in her Ipad while putting a spoonful of food in her mouth. Beside her is Jaxon who's taking a glimpse in Leon's phone. They are probably pranking some girls. Their smiles says it all. Beside me Amanda who keeps on eating. Facing each other, we enjoy the company of one another as we fill our stomach.

"I think I'm suffering from depression."

Stunned. I look as fast as I could to see who ever said that. Everyone in the room is also shocked but it just takes seconds till everyone laughed. Amanda who's attention is in her food almost choked because of her sudden laughter.

"She's crazy." She said.

Emily who's still standing, bow her head trying to hide the embarrassment. I just stare at her. She's shaking and so do I. How can she bluntly say that here? Some girls stood and started teasing her. They left their food and go near Emily.

"Look guys, Little Emily is depressed. Come on cry for her." Denise laughed and everyone can't help but to follow her. Whispers are everywhere. Whispers turning into shout.

"You are such an attention seeker." Someone shouted.

"What do you want from us? Empathy?" laughter are getting louder and louder. I thought It won't get worse until someone started throwing tissue at her.

"Here, some tissue to wipe those tears of depression." He laughed. I looked shocked at Jaxon.

"You're so generous Jaxon you should gave toilet paper instead."

"Oh! I have some tissue." Someone shouted. I don't even know anymore whoever is shouting. I'm just staring at Emily while she's being hit of tissues. Everyone is laughing their ass off while Emily keeps standing. I watched her as her shaky hands grips the hem of her skirt to stop her from whatever she would do.

I don't know what to feel. Should I stand for her? But why should I? Did someone stand for me when I'm losing myself? Did someone save me when I need to be saved? So why should I? I'm tired of helping others. Nothing left for me because I already gave everything.

I should be laughing at her now. I should be laughing with everyone.

But I can't.

I can't bring myself to laugh at her. I wonder why.

"You know what Emily, you should go see a doctor. Not because you're depressed but because you are insane."

"Attention seeker."

"You know what. I heard before that she's a fame whore. Now I feel like believing it now."

Endless laughter. Endless whispers. Endless name calling.

I stood and slowly walk toward her. My blank face expressing nothing. I crossed my arms and look at her face. Suddenly, laughter lowers down. Everyone confused of what I am going to do. Everyone waiting for what's going next. She raised her head and looked at me. I crossed my arms and studied her face. Her bloodshot eyes putting so much effort to stop crying. Her lips shivering even though it's lost for words.

"Pathetic." I said

You are pathetic. Why would you say that you are depressed? You think someone would help you? You think they are going to listen at you? You are so pathetic for thinking that being heard is a goal that you must achieve. What's the point of being heard if you are not being understood. Pathetic.

I storm my way out. The only difference is that I'm not the one who made the noise for the storm. It was coming from them. They laughed and continued calling her with names that no one would like to be called.

I don't know where my feet is bringing me but I found myself in front of the art room. I enter quietly and find a seat. I pull it towards the easel peacefully standing beside the last window. The canvas is empty.

I picked up the paintbrush and started mixing colors. A place where I wanted to be huh? I wonder where that is. I started with light color as a base. I put colors to where they should be. I know I can't finish this 'till lunch break is done. I don't care if I left my bag in the room. I'll just get that later. It's so peaceful. The wind entering the window and brushing though my face.

"Meave what are you painting?"

I dropped the paint brush and looked at the canvas. It's still not done. Not even the half of it. It is a foreign place. It's foreign yet familiar to me.

"Meave, stop running."

"Catch me Mom." I said while giggling. It's a sunny day. I keep running around in this green grass. The wind blowing my pastel yellow dress and my hair.

"Stop running or else you'll trip." Mom shouted.

"Honey, Let her play." I heard from somewhere.

"But she might trip."

"Don't worry she's a strong girl."

"She's just five years old."

I stopped running. The green grass turned into a marble floor.

"Meave, What are you painting?"

"Dad."

"Please stop..."

I stood and looked at the door as it open. Mr. Brax eyeing me curiosity.

"Meave what are you doing here? Aren't you late for your next class?"

"Huh?" My eyebrows surely trying to reach each other now.

"Lunch break is done Missy."

Oh shoot. I jogged towards the door.

"Uhmm... I'll be going now." I feel my blood goes to my face. I wanted to cover it and run as fast as I can.

"Take care." He chuckled.

To be continued...