Sometimes I wish I didn't exist physically.
I wish I was just a floating spirit that flowed through life without the worries of being hurt, ridiculed, un-loved, fat, undesirable.
I wish I wasn't seen as an object to be used by others for things I would rather not be a part of. I wish I suddenly passed away in the middle of the night with no pain and no recollection of my past life to become a free spirit, just watching the world go by. I wish I wasn't visible. I wish I wasn't me.
I want to walk without being looked at. I want to dance without being laughed at. I want to dress without being leered at by perverts. I want to be a person. I want to be me but not this me, a different me. The me that I imagine every night before I fall asleep. The me that is happy and care free. I want to laugh everyday without forcing it. I want to be able to do anything that my heart desires without any restraints. Tough. That is not the way of man, or the way of the world.
I want to feel. God I want to feel something, anything other than emptiness. I want to be free from this gaping dark hole that has consumed my heart and mind. I want to believe in myself once more. I want to pull a gun on those other versions of myself that keep telling me that I amount to nothing because that cannot possibly be true. Can it? Am I nothing? Am I truly this piece of shit I see when i look into the mirror? Am I this ugly fat undesirable scum that stares at me every time I look at a reflective surface? Is it even possible to loathe oneself to this extent? I think it is. I think it because that is my reality.
I wish I was never born. I wish I never existed. I wish I would be wiped off the face of the earth. It sickens me that I do not have the power or courage to wipe myself out. I am nothing. I want to be nothing. But I want to be something! I want to be someone that is not ugly. I want to be someone that is not hated. I want to be somebody else. I do not want to be me! I do not want to be alive! I can't breathe! Help me! Please? I want to go! Let me go! Let me go!
Save me?
-T-
Art at the top is "ALONE" by Françios J. Interiors on pinterest
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EMBRACE YOUR DARK SIDE
PoetryThis is just a book where i am going to share my dark thoughts because i know that nobody knows who i am here so i will not be judged. Some of them will be triggering so if you are going through depression its probably not safe for you. Its either g...
