After I closed the door, I took a deep breath thinking about my walk home, trying my best to forget about everything. Wanting to cut deep into my wrists while I thought about getting home. Looking at my hand still on the knob, I finally let go and began to walk out of the drive way onto the side walk. I looked at my phone for the time. And realized that if my parents checked on me they would have called me by now. Mom was most likely at work and was going to be for the next 12 hours, and dad was probably already at the bar and wont get home till late.
I had not noticed how far I walked until I heard a car honk and try to keep up with my pace beside me.
"Hey you need a lift" He said with a smile. The same guy who gave Chaz the blunts last night. He probably felt bad about me and Chaz's break up, I mean he heard the whole thing.
" No thanks, I could use a walk. Clear my head." I said while tears freely fell down my face and off my chin.
He pulled off a little ahead on the curb and turned his car off, he got out of the passengers seat and closed the car door behind him, and jogged up to me.
" come on Ivy... its the least I could do. And you have a little bit of a walk." He looked at me with his light blue almost grey eyes, with pity.
"ugh, okay. Thank you" I said with a smile egar to get home.
I got in the car and didn't bother puttying my seat belt on. The whole way home I sat rubbing my thumbs together. Not wanting anything awkward to come out of my mouth.
"you want to listen to the radio?" He asked looking over at me for a long period of time, longer than somebody driving should.
" only if there is something good on" I said looking at my lap. Not wanting to egg on his rebelliousness.
He turned on the radio, pushing all five of the buttons before turning it back off.
" can I ask you something.?" He said putting his hand back on the wheel from the radio.
I knew this would be about Chaz and/or the baby. I didn't want to talk about either one. I began to tear up at the thought of it.
"Depends" I said looking out the window watching all the tree's go by. Trying to hide my cnow teary face.
" On what?" he said speeding up a little.
" If I will be able to answer it or not, or if I even want to answer it." I closed my heavy eyes, I was beginning to get dizzy.
" why wont you keep the baby." He said gripping the wheel going even faster now almost like he was angry.
" I cant do it alone, and will you slow down!" I held on tightly to my seat belt, not daring to see how fast he was going.
He slowed down dramatically after hitting 75 mph on a 45 mph road. "Let me help you, if there is anybody how can help you through this that person would be me.." I replayed his sharp words in my head, as if I didn't understand the first time I heard it.
" Tony let me out " Even if he was willing to help, I still can not bring something into the world that doesn't deserve to have a shitty mother like me. I mean... I cant even take care of myself, how in the hell will I be able to look after another life.
He pulled over on the curb, it was now about a ten minute walk home. I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the car door and hopped out. " thank you for the ride " I was excited to get home.. And upset that he took it that he took it that far. I mean what kind of a guy openly takes care of a baby that isn't his.?"
" will you let me have it ?" He said while I was in the process of closing the door. I turned and looked at him for a second, hoping that he didn't mean what I thought he did.
" what.." My soft and quiet voice trailed off as I said that.
" The baby, will you let me have him or her instead of the abortion?" He sounded upset, he looked down at his hands on the steering wheel. I have a feeling like this has happened to him before.
" What are you going to do with a baby, your a pothead that doesn't do anything all day BUT that. What makes you think your ready.? What makes you think that I will even want to go through the pregnancy.?!" I hope this wasn't a sick joke that him and Chaz came up with. Or if Chaz sent him after me to convince me to go through with the pregnancy then end's up having nothing to do with the pregnancy, or the baby that I would be stuck raising.
" I ready because I know your not, and I want to change. I want something to do during the day so I don't get bored and smoke more weed. I want something to do my life. I'm working two part time job's and I'm still doing on line classes. And I know you don't want to go through with the pregnancy...but I'm begging you. If you don't want to or cant raise this baby, let me. Please."
" Fine. I will think Tony.." I still didn't want to go through all of this " What time in the pregnancy do I have to stop doing drugs.?" I was planing on getting more weed today, and maybe drinking a little bit.
" ummm, like now " He looked at me like I he just hear I was pregnant again.
" ha ha okay" I closed the door and took a short cut through the woods until I got home and climbed back into my already cracked window.
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* oh and let me know what you think about tony.! thanks *
