reading between the lines

22

A/N: you don't have to but I'd recommend listening to the song "sincerely me" from the musical "dear Evan Hansen" before reading this chapter because it'll mean you understand parts of it a little more :)

Matty's POV
The loud bustling noise of kids from my year and the couple of years below made me instantly regret turning up but I couldn't back out now or I'd have to face the wrath of Louis Tomlinson. Louis had somehow managed to persuade to come and try out for the school play, he was banging on and on about it so I kind of only said yes to shut him up and now here I am, sat at the back of the main school hall all by myself watching everyone else practically vibrate with excitement. I feel scared. But why?

"okay everyone settle down and take a seat near the front of the hall please" Harry said in a manner where he didn't need to raise his voice but he was loud enough to silence everyone. I guess that's the sort of dominance that come along with being famous, something most other teachers in this damn school lack.

"you came then" louis whispered as he somehow appeared next to me with no trace of where he'd come from.

"yeh" i replied dryly.

"I think you might be a bit lost"

I looked at him with nothing but confusion "excuse me?"

"Harry told everyone to sit at the front, this is the back"

Thankfully i didn't have to reply to louis' comment because harry started sharing the important information that i needed to listen to:

-we will be performing the musical "dear evan hansen"

-people auditioning for main roles go to left

-people auditioning for the smaller roles go to the left

"go to the left, i know who i want you to audition for" louis whispered down my ear as we both stood up with everyone else and slowly made our way to the front left "i'll make sure you're last so there's less people here for you so just take a seat for now"

And so that is exactly what i did, i sat in the same seat for the next hour and a half watching the hall slowly empty until eventually it was just me, harry and louis left. Alone. Its not that i don't feel comfortable with sharing my voice with harry and louis but more that i dont feel comfortable sharing it with myself. Honestly my voice is one of the only good things I have that is truly mine and i feel like if i start to use it and enjoy it the it'll fall apart like everything else in my life. But i guess Louis isn't giving me the option of not using it so here goes nothing.

"okay so matty you're going to be evan hansen and louis is going to play connor murphy during this song, it's called sincerely me, here are the words" Harry instructed, passing me a piece of paper with the lyrics that i already knew printed across it. "okay when you're ready just give louis the nod and you can start"

After a few moments to gather my thoughts a little i gave louis the nod and the music began to play and i looked up at the stage lights, needing one stationary thing to focus my attention on. Louis began to sing the first verse, circling round me with such charisma and end energy that i couldn't help but flow right into the character.
"Why would you write that!?!?" I say abruptly, raising my eyebrows to show an expression of shock of on my face which quickly turns to panic as the character of Evan Hansen realises that the email he's writing needs to be perfect. Acting is something I don't do very often but when I do eventually do it properly I fall in love and I get so much hype from it. Performing this specific song definitely helped too because it allowed me to show so many of my favourite traits, I could be sassy, sarcastic, and I guess a little blunt at times but throughout the song my main aim is to try and help someone become a better person. But of course if you know the plot of dear Evan Hansen it is a lot more complicated than that.

After the song both me and Louis are a little tired from hitting it with such high energy but I get a sudden flush of pride, joy, and freedom; I've just sang and performed a song unapologetically in front of two people and enjoyed it. I've never done something like this before and it feel good. So damn good. So damn good that I'm laughing, laughing, laughing. And then Louis joins me, and then Harry and the 3 of us stand there laughing. What are laughing at? We have no idea but in this moment, right here right now, we're happy and I'm in love with this feeling.

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A couple of days pass and the list of people who made it into the school performance is about to be announced, I'm waiting outside the drama room for Harry and Louis to put it up in the window. God time is going slow right now. After what felt like an hour but was probably just a couple of minutes more people from the auditions began to arrive, amongst them was AJ who I'd had the fortune of avoiding at auditions. Having not bumped into him at auditions I had no idea what part he'd auditioned for until I heard him talking to some other guys who were waiting, he said and I quote "if anyone else gets Evan Hansen then I will make their life a living hell"
So now what do I just hope I don't get the part cos like he already hates my guts so Christ knows what he'd do if I got the lead role and he didn't. But I want that role. I've never wanted anything before. Not like this. I want this. I need this.

Then the list comes out and the first thing I see:

"Evan Hansen: Matty Payne"

I grin quite cheesily to myself before looking over at AJ, he's giving me a look that I should be terrified of. A look that I'd normally run a million miles from. But not today. He doesn't scare me today.