Heartbeat - BTS

05

Kim Jaerin

I'm sitting on the corner of the practice studio as I sat quietly, not uttering a word. I stared at the older trainees that I'm training with as they talk with their friends.

I fidgeted my hands with the rim of my white shirt as I bit my lip, not knowing what to do. An almost empty water bottle in hand, I drank the remaining content of it as I wiped some water that dripped.

There are a small number of girls around, and they're talking to each other, smiling widely like they know each other for a long time.

It's the 5th day of training and I barely uttered a word to anyone. I don't know how to approach them, and I'm shy and nervous to talk to them. I don't have friends yet so I always sit on the corner,

I'd nod and shook my head whenever they ask me questions, I'd sometimes say a small yes as an answer. They'll look at me with weird looks, as if I was someone unique. Like I'm different.

"Everyone! Today's practice is cancelled, you can now go to your dorms and rest." Our vocal coach said as everyone stood up, grabbing their things as they bow to our coach.

I, sat still on my spot, not moving an inch as I watch everyone went out, with their towels placed on their shoulders, or around their neck. Duffle bags on their shoulders as they smiled to their friends, and their back drenched with sweat.

"Kid, aren't you going?" Our coach, Ms. Yuna asked as my eyes widened, not knowing what to answer, "I-I'll stay here for a while.." I quietly answered as her brows furrowed as she hesitantly nodded,

"Don't forget to close the lights and lock the door, alright?" She said as I nodded as she walked away after sending you a quick glance.

I stood up and brushed my shorts, I sat down in front of the huge mirror as I closed my eyes and hummed to an unknown beat that just went to my mind. The sound that I made calmed me, like I'm on my own world.

I sniffled as I rubbed my nose using my fist, I opened my eyes as I saw my own reflection in front of my own eyes. My dark brown eyes and my messy hair that has the same shade as my eyes,

I watch as a sweat rolled down from my temple, everyday is a new step closer my dream. Every breathe is a new step and every actions that I make is a new step. When I open my eyes every morning, when the sun shines on my face, it's a new step towards my dream, it's not an actual step, but I'm considering every actions of mine, a step closer.

I rubbed my eyes as I sighed, I brought my knees to my chest as I embraced it,  I placed my face between my knees as I formed a fetal position.

I took my phone out as I looked at the date, July 5, 2011. My birthday is just around the corner, and I guess I'll be celebrating it on my own, or I won't celebrate it. 

I cracked my knuckles before standing up to leave the studio. I brushed my shorts again before grabbing my things, not knowing and not paying attention that my shoelaces aren't properly tied, I tripped as my knee landed on the cold floor, making me wince in pain.

I stood up again as my leg trembled, but I still managed to walk. I carefully tied my shoelaces as I continued walking to the exit. I closed every lights as I closed the door before walking to the building exit.

___

It's the next day, and we're just practicing our dance moves in our usual practice studio. We're drenched in sweat, because we're practicing harder today because of the cancellation of training yesterday.

"5,6,7,8!" Our choreographer said as we started dancing, I stayed with the beat as we finished the routine. The music stopped as the studio became filled with our heavy breathings as we pant tiredly.