The Degenerate (Mythics Book One)

21

 I clenched my jaw, sealing off any words that sprang to the tip of my tongue.

Ash grew solemn. "It must be exhausting," she said, eyes boring into me. "Hiding yourself all the time must drain you."

"She's always fighting it," said Theo, watching me. "She's always in pain. Can you help her?"

"If she'll let me," Ash responded.

I let out a sharp laugh. "What is this, an intervention?" I glared at Theo. Traitor.

"I'm worried about you, Ivy. Don't you wonder if maybe bottling all of this up will backfire on you one day?" Theo asked, dark brows furrowed.

I didn't say anything to that. There wasn't anything to say. Of course, I worried about all of this, all the time. Anyone who knew me could tell you that worrying was my favorite pastime. However, these two didn't get to make this decision for me. We were talking about my future, my body. I wouldn't let them dictate me like this.

Ash looked way too anxious for someone I'd only met just last night. "At least let me teach you about our culture. You have a right to know these things. I won't force you into anything you don't want to do."

Theo turned pleading eyes to me.

I inhaled deeply. Really, the idea of a whole multitude of people like me was mind-blowing. Living underwater? I thought back to my brief interactions with water through showers and rain. My skin prickled with awareness, like it was just resting, waiting beneath the surface. Cerulean scales with a glossy, iridescent sheen of a deep green and purple. Nausea swelled. Like a giant bruise. Succumbing to that darkness within me was supposed to be natural, a release. Maybe there was something wrong with me...

"I'll talk with you," I told Ash, emphasis on talk.

She brightened, the goddess-vibes only increasing. Cue butterflies and sunshine. "After breakfast, then."

Ugh. "Fine." I took my seat beside Theo, not looking at either of them. Regardless of the reason, being ganged up on was no fun. Really, my pride was wounded.

The pancakes and eggs on my plate had grown cold. My appetite chose that moment to vanish completely. A plethora of emotions welled up within me, everything from hurt to seclusion to plain old anxiety. Maybe Theo and I had been alone for so long that I'd grown used to his constant companionship. He had always been on my side, but if what he said was true, he had been worried about me for a long time. How many opinions had Theo been holding back? How many worries?

I must have had an addiction to downward spirals or something, because the thoughts kept coming. Was Theo afraid to speak his thoughts in front of me? He'd never mentioned his worries since we'd known each other, not once. What made him feel the need to force this on me?

I set my plate on the ground in front of me, and as if it read my thoughts, it disappeared, nothing but a small pile of rich soil left in its wake. Perks of having a wizard for a host. Rising to my feet, I spotted Adair in the midst of all the mingling. His long dark hair gleamed in the sunlight as he laughed at something someone said. My gaze snagged on Daphne--- her usual blonde and tanned self--- and Rafe too, who sat nearby. They leaned close together, seeming totally at ease with one another. I didn't feel like being a third wheel in Ash and Theo's party, so I found the opportunity to leave and seized it. Quietly, I slipped away, weaving through people who were only just now sitting down to eat. Left and right, discarded plates disintegrated into dirt and got swept to the forest floor.

I smiled nervously at Adair's friends. They were all selkies. I could tell by the model-worthy looks and runed stone necklaces they wore. I clasped my hands together tightly, biting back the flutter of anxiety in my stomach.

"Adair," I said in my most innocent voice.

The guy in question snapped his gaze to me, surprised to see me standing here. He gave me a measured smile. "Ivory, right?" he said easily. "What's up?" A stray murmur or two circled through his group, a few of the guys looking more than satisfied.

I didn't let his cool, indiscernible demeanor faze me. Of course he put on a persona for his friends. Most people did, and it wasn't any of my business. "You said you'd show me the bathing area. I'm free now, and I was wondering if I could take that offer," I said.

A flurry of oooooooh's rose up from his buddies and all at once I realized how my proposition might sound. They chuckled and bumped Adair. I tried to suppress the blush, but there was no stopping it. I must have looked so naive. The thought made my anxiety rush back in full force.

Adair himself seemed to be a little dumbfounded. His easy grin dropped a little, but then he was chuckling along with his friends. Pulling on a pair of fancy sunglasses, he looked almost too cliche to be real. The lenses gleamed in the light.

"Anything for you, sweetheart," he drawled. The words were practiced, dripping with charisma and a carefully sculpted lure. Underneath ran a current of rigidity, a sense of going through the motions.

I bristled. He probably expected me to melt right at his feet. Whatever. Let him play his little games in front of his friends, but I really had to get cleaned up. "Just take me there," I bit out.