WHO WILL SHE CHOOSE?

9 | Taking care of business

The Theatre Kings Royale Is a magnificent palace of magic and wonder. Only now, to me, it is a place conjuring feelings of disappointment and Judd. Is it now just another trigger and reminder I need to contend with, I find asking this question and feeling confused. I may need a session with my therapist and an urgent one before Saturday. A Theatre, to start the internship in was something else before I opened the letter. It was excitement and hope. It symbolised me stepping back in time, remembering who I was before an event in my life floored me. I'm very aware that the internship will be offering me a distraction from reality but I truly feel I want to do this for the correct reasons. What joy I'll get, being apart of a huge production and being surrounded by passionate creative people every week.

This is a good opportunity, I cannot let my anxiety repress me. I know the strategies to get through this lull. I know the steps I need to take and I have the emotional support network of my friends and family. I am frightened of my flashbacks and despise how they make me feel. Gosh I really want to see this project through but I will need a real injection of perspective. If I can't see my therapist I know Betsy will see me or at least talk to me over the telephone.

I feel empowered by simply deciding I will go for this despite the horrible voice in my head trying to spoil it for me.

I breathe deep and swallow hard, I am going to push on through. I decide to go into the city to buy some new clothes. 'New experience, new life, new clothes'.... I am sure that is a saying, or at least I have heard Pepper say it before. Either way I will actually need something a lot less formal than my current work gear.

While I am in the city I decide to call in work. I am going to need to explain about my internship and arrange appropriate cover with my fellow managers. It shouldn't be a problem, again another bonus to being a long standing reliable employee and covering everyone else's shifts for months on end while I gave up on a social life. They'll return the favour no problem it's just Mr D.P I need to get the nod from first.

The bank I work for is located in a stunning part of London city. The art deco building is eye-catching, it was built in the 1920's specifically for the International bank's European headquarters. It has all the qualities you would expect from the glamour and exuberance associated with the rich during that era. As you walk towards the building momentary you feel dizzy as its sheer grandeur hits you. Before you realise you've glided into the spacious, echoing lobby , greeted immediately by the doormen, who've been there forever . You are guarantee to be wowed as soon as you enter the place. The slickness of the interior just hits you with an impressive thud. The exterior building has magnificent long, giant windows and the impressive sharp lines and angular outlines are a repeated theme throughout the rest of the building.

I have to be honest it is a heavenly building to visit but to actually work here is a luxury. I am very aware and I am grateful that my place of work is a genuine place of happiness and security for me. My teams have been a real source of support for me without them even knowing a single thing about my personal life and emotional battles.

Once I reach my floor I am waved at by lots of the team members who are busily taking calls. I glance momentarily at the stat board, but deliberately stop myself from reckoning up how the day in figures appears to be going. I am off duty. I head over to Salli, she is the floor P.A, she will handle lots of stuff personally for us managers and does a hefty bit of admin too. She is also my gossip partner, I know that sounds awful but it's true. We are kinda mindful of people's feelings though, (most of the time). Although, there hasn't been much in the way of saucy scandal lately. At the minute it's light entertainment only, such as, guessing whether Mr D.P has been for a piss or a shit! I chuckle to myself, it sounds pretty lame.