Kiwi // H.S.

Part 8: Falling.

It's crazy how you can fall in love, and then loose it all within 2 or 3 days. I sit up from the bed I haven't moved from since August. It's February 18, and marked on that same calendar, '2020
Brit awards!!!' I wrote that when I was still hanging out with Harry, I haven't been as happy since. I just roll my eyes at the thought of having to get up and do my makeup and put on the dress I had paid for months in advanced. I pick up my phone and open Instagram. And the first thing I see, is non other than Harry himself.
'Harry Styles new song 'falling' is so good!!! Go listen to it!!!'
I new that if I listened to it I would cry hearing his voice, so I looked up the lyrics and read them out loud to my self.
"I'm in my bed, and your not here, and there's no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands..." what is this about... "Forget what I said, it's not what I meant, and I can't take it back I can't un-pack the baggage you left.." I think about stopping...but continue reading. "What am I now, what am I now, what if I'm someone I don't want around, I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling, what if I'm down, what if I'm out, what if I'm someone you won't talk about...." I stop. A tear streams down my face. Then before I can read anymore Gene calls me.
"Hey..." I say.
"You better be getting ready, Britt awards today. Remember." She says it as if I would forget.
"Ya i know. I'm not going."
"You....what."
"Ya. I'm not going, I haven't left my apartment in 6 months and you expect me to leave now?"
"Yes...that's exactly what I expect you to do...do you know how much more money you will make if you win?!"
"I don't even care anymore...."
She sighs.
"I'm coming over in an hour to pick you up, and you better be ready, or..." she stops.
"Or what." I say.
"Or your fired."
I go silent. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Fine." I say.
"Great! See you in an hour." She says and hangs up the phone. I open my camera roll and see all the cute pictures I took with Harry before we got......nevermind. "God I hope you aren't there." I say to myself. I get up, and shower, blow dry my hair, curl it, and do my makeup. I go into my closet and grab out the dress I have been waiting to wear, it's a strapless baby blue cocktail dress, I slip it on and look in the mirror.
"Not terrible eh Ringo?" I say to the cage next to my mirror. He looks up at me and sticks his tongue into his red slop, (it's his food). I slip on my white heels just in time to get a text from Gene
G: I'm here.
I don't respond. I just leave my house and lock the door grabbing my purse on the way out. I sit in the car and look out the window the whole drive. When we get there and get inside. People
Are all performing, and saying their speeches and whatever. And then it happens. The announcer comes up and says.
"Now, the one who one album of the year in 26 countries....playing his new song....Mr. Harry Styles!" I put my elbow on the table and plant my head into my hand. He comes up on stage wearing some kind of Lacey white suit thing, he looked really nice in it. And then I heard it. The piano, it was a tune I had played for him for fun while we were writing together. He looks through the audience as if he is looking for someone. I tried not to cry. But it was hard. It was really really hard. All the pain I went through in the past 6 months were all hitting me so hard. And I couldn't do anything about it, I felt trapped, trapped in myself, and my thoughts, and i started breathing harder. And then he said it.
"And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again"
"Gene I will be right back, I have to go to the bathroom."
I get up and run. Trying to wipe the tears from my eyes without drawing attention to myself.

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Song: Falling by Harry Styles