radiance [h.s.]

No Control*

[Hello, and welcome to a double update... I didn't play around this time... if you aren't comfy with mature content skip this chapter <3] 

At nineteen, I was not impulsive in the slightest. The girl I was would never bring a guy home after a night of drinking. I played it safe for years always afraid of trouble and what people might think of me. 

In my early twenties, I wanted to be different, not in the sense that I changed myself to be something I'm not, but I wanted to know what it was like to bring a boy home and not think about emotions or strings attached. I wanted to let go of the overwhelming need for control, and I did. I learned that I can be wild, and that it is okay.

I am not the girl who lost her virginity to her best friend in a forgotten office of a warehouse. No, I am a twenty-six year old woman who has enough experience to actually enjoy sex and not be afraid of what her body wants and needs.

Harry was my first experience with anything intimate, and while our relationship was far from perfect and ended badly, we came to the mutual understanding that we could be friends and not be romantic.

Sex doesn't always equal romance. This is purely a hunger between two people that needs to be satiated.

I don't feel anything more than lust and need as we stumble through the door of my apartment. My body seems to hum with his name, calling his lips to the tender spot just behind my ear. I don't remember much of the ride home, I only know that we tried to contain ourselves for the sake of the driver, but the moment I was fumbling for my keys all bets were off. 

Once the front door is shut and locked, I find myself pressed against the wall in my entry way. Harry's lips are soft and sweet, I slide my arms around his neck, opening my mouth to him, his tongue slips in and I want more, more of him. I feel him hard against the inside of my thigh and I can't control the moan the escapes me.

His focus shifts, pulling away, he asks, "Your bedroom?"

"There," I point over his shoulder, gesturing to the ajar door down the hall. He presses his lops to mine, scooping me up in one smooth motion before carrying me down the hall to my bedroom. I bounce slightly as I tumble from his arms onto my bed. He hovers over me, our kiss deepening. 

I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him to me. I loose any sense as his lips move from my mouth to my neck, his teeth and tongue dragging down the curve of my neck. The scratch of his unshaved face only adds to the sensation. I don't even realize it, when he finds the zipper on my skirt and tugs at it. My fingertips fumble for the buttons on his shirt, trying my hardest to concentrate as his mouth accosts my sensitive skin. The skirt is pushed down my legs, and I kick it across the room along with my shoes. 

Once he is free of his shirt, he undoes his belt. I prop myself up on my elbows watching him. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as he pushes his slacks down his legs. He stands at the foot of the bed, watching me as I gaze at him. His skin is tan from the summer, he has more tattoos than I remember and I have to stop myself from reaching up to trace them. He has filled out into a man, and I find my eyes dwelling on the low band of his briefs. 

Harry breathes hard. As his body has matured into a man, mine has matured into that of a woman. There are more curves to my sides and hips than I had at nineteen. I am laid before him in nothing but the lace bodysuit that Eleanor brought for me. He is slow to approach me, his knee leaning against my mattress as he carefully slides the strap from my shoulder.

It is quiet, but there seems to be a roaring in my ears. He slowly tugs the body suit from me, leaving me utterly naked in front of him. He swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he takes me in. He leans closer pressing a soft kiss to my lips once more, his touch is gentle as his fingertips slide up from my waist to my breasts. I arch my back, pressing myself into his touch. 

I cling to him as his mouth moves to my breast, his tongue circling my nipple. I whine into the crook of his neck, my nails digging into his back. He hisses, but doesn't tell me to stop the tips of my nails dragging down the plains of his back.

He grinds his hips into me, and I can tell that he is enjoying teasing me. I push at the band of his briefs, trying to push them down his legs myself. He catches my wrists, pining them above my head. Harry moves away from me, and the sudden cold makes me yearn for him more. He grabs my hips and tugs me to the edge of the bed. 

Startled, a small yelp escapes me and a laugh rumbles in his chest. He takes my ankles in his hands and turns his face to press a gentle kiss to the inside of my calf. He kneels, guiding my legs over his shoulders. On his knees, his tongue sets my body on fire and I forget how to breathe.

My fingers curl into his hair, as his tongue slides into me, I gasp for air tightening my grip. My insides are tightly wound and are calling for a release as his fingers replace his tongue. I can feel his rings cold against my burning flesh. His dark gaze watches as my face contorts with pleasure as I come undone, his teeth biting the inside of my thigh. 

He lowers my legs from his shoulders, standing between my thighs. Breathlessly, I lean up to kiss his chest. His hands wind into my hair, tugging gently at the roots. I tug at his briefs once more, and they fall from his hips, his length springing free. I touch him, taking him into my hand and feel his soft skin against my palm. Harry's head rolls back with a deep moan as I run my hand down him. 

Something seems to snap within him, like a dam has cracked and is about to burst. He grabs at my hand and takes it in his, gently kissing the tips of my fingers. He leans to kiss me and I can taste myself on his lips. I groan into his mouth as he moves me towards the center of the bed. 

We blindly tug at pillows and blankets until we are free of anything in the way. He kisses me harder--open and deep, his teeth biting into my lower lip. I lock my legs around his waist coaxing him forward. His length nudges at the inside of my thigh and he curses stumbling backwards. He fumbles through his wallet looking for a condom, but heat rises in me and he is taking to long to find it.

"Bedside table, top drawer," I direct. He looks at me stunned momentarily, before stumbling to locate the small metallic package. I run my toes impatiently up his thigh as he puts the condom on. He returns to me, I hook my legs around him once more and he slides in. And in. And in. A moan rips through my chest as he moves slowly inside me. He is being too careful, too gentle. I want the full force of all of him. 

He groans into my neck as I bite at the lob of his ear. I press my legs into him, my hips rising to meet his thrusts, as my body silently begs from him to go faster. Listening, his answers my unspoken plea and thrusts deeper and faster than before. I drag my hangs through his hair and down his back, urging him to give me more.

Harry kisses me repeatedly, every part of me seems to burn and twist tighter. Release tears through me as he continues to pound into me. Hard and fast, drawing out the waves of pleasure until I can't tell where I start and he ends. Harry releases a guttural sound as he presses into me, stilling as he comes undone. 

He buries his head into the crook of my neck as we try to slow our breathing. My fingers drift up and twist into his curls, holding him there. He slides away from me, disposing of the condom, before returning to my side. He cups my cheek with his hand and presses a firm kiss to my lips. We don't say anything, instead he tugs me closer, holding me to his chest as he tugs at the comforter to cover us.

I can't find a voice to tell him how much I've missed him--not just his body but his soul. To tell him that I missed waking up with him in my bed, no matter how long ago it was. To say that I felt abandoned by him for a long time, and that is why I was so angry. Resting my head on his chest, I glance up to see his eyes closed. His breathing is steady and all I can seem to think is how peaceful and beautiful he looks. 

But this can only happen once. We can chalk it up to stress, alcohol, whatever lie we need to tell ourselves. Tomorrow reality will set in, and we will be back to being adults and not the teenagers we were. But I will savor this youthful feeling tonight, and try not to think of the morning.

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I know some of y'all are worried that they are acting like their teenager selves, but I swear they have grown up and it will become evident in future chapters. Also you will find out some answers to questions from the first book in this one. Let me know what y'all think, I love hearing your insight. I will try to update more often too! 

All the love,

-L.