Sick, Slyvia

Prologue

     The feeling I feel today are rare. It was pleasant for me to not feel sadness and needy. It's been week and I'm not yet clear. Dapat ay nagsasaya ako ngayon dahil kaarawan ko pero ginugulo ako ng mga mabibigat na salita.

I remember the week before today. Bumisita ako sa isang pribadong ospital para magpa-check at test. And the doctor found out something unexpected. I was tested having this lung problem. The reason why I always feel heavy breathing and it's hard for me to normally have walk or jog.

"Miss Velasco I'm sorry to tell you this, though you're young to have this but you're still diagnose having lung cancer." That was a doctor.

Para akong tumakbo ng napakalayo sa sobrang bilis ng tibok ng aking puso. Nahihirapan akong huminga at nahihirapan akong itatak sa isip ko na meron akong sakit. The doctor is right, I'm young for this. Too, young.

I'm just fifteen for crying out loud. Edad na dapat ay puro pagsasaya lamang ang aking dinadala at inaalala. Edad na dapat ay normal akong mabubuhay. Edad na sa aking mga magulang pa ako nakadepende. I don't know how to tell them my condition. I have no guts and feeling to start sharing this. No one should be sad for me other than myself. Just myself.

"Via anak. Are you okay? You look pale." That was my mom. I look at her and smile.

"Yes Mom. I'm good. Let's go, let's eat." I then cling my arm to her. I'm now heal.

Totoo siguro na may lakas ang mga Nanay na pagaanin ang nararamdaman ng kanilang anak. Because as I simply clung my arm to Mom I feel a sudden heal. That was a simple skin touch but I'm alive, truly alive without this ill.

"Mommy anong gusto mo? Spag or Pansit? Juice or Drinks? Have you eaten some sweets already? Let's have some?" Dirediretso kong tanong sa kanya.

My mom then look at me. She looks curious and suspicious. She held my hands first before cupping my face then asking me.

"Wait, you're not my Via. The Via I know is snob and careless but now, you look very different. I can differentiate the fake to real, Via. What's wrong?"

Naiiling akong bumaling sa kanya.

"People change." I try to laugh to ease the tense. Mommy shouldn't worry about me even Daddy. "Plus I'm trying to have some manners today. Hehe."

Sa tingin ko ay kumbinsido si Mommy sa sinabi ko. We started to put some foods on our plates to eat. And suddenly, someone shout, so loud.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY SLYVIA KARE VELASCO." I heard a manly voice. My Dad are now panting and shouting over the kitchen. He's with someone.

We have this simple celebration. Naghanda sina Mommy at Daddy para sa kaunting salo-salo. I invite people who I want to be with me today, and I include someone I loved. Axl Ace!

Nang makalapit sila sa amin ay hinarap ko sila. "Thank you Dad." I smile at him before turning to Axl. "And, hello there my Axl. Where's my gift?"

He then laugh at me. "Just chill. Later, baby. Anyway, Happy Birthday. Stay healthy, i love you."

I look at him with my pure emotions. As he mention about being healthy, my emotion suddenly change. Pero wala akong magawa dahil walang ibang nakakaalam ng sakit ko kundi ako. I have to bare my choice.

"Well, thank you. You may eat, guys. I accompany the other visitor. Enjoy."

Nang makaalis ako sa dinning area ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag. It feels like I'm about to loss my conscious in front of them. Hindi na ako kumportableng pag-usapan ang tungkol sa pagiging healthy ko. Because in the first place, I know I'm not and couldn't be.

Sa halip na magisip ng ibang bagay ay nilapitan ko ang iba pang bisita. I told them to enjoy and feel free to have food from buffet.

I even plaster a smile.

As I roam around, I heard nothing but a laughter. That was a kind of beautiful scenario in life. You celebrating a very special day thinking about today and not the other day, around.

As I walk and feel tired, I decided to go upstairs and stay at the terrace. Minutes passed by when someone stand beside me. He's staring at me with unreadable emotion.

It took him minutes to speak.

"Again, happy birthday baby. Please, stay healthy and live your life to the fullest."

That was his words. I don't know why but he's giving me a hard catch to not feel something bad.

Pakiramdam ko ay may masamang mangyayari. It feels like, I'm going to live my life - far and alone. And I was right.

He close the space between us. He then stare at me before pulling me into a hug. After a minutes and so of silence, he tell me of something I hate.

"And I'm sorry. I have to leave you, I'm breaking up with you Via. I don't want you to know the reason because that was a lame reason."

I'm still crying hard. As if my tears are enough for him to turn his word back. Patuloy lamang ako sa pag-iyak. Hindi dahil iiwan niya ako kundi dahil sa ibang pakiramdam na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

His word leash my heart. His word added a hard stone into my lungs. I can't catch a perfect breath. I can't hold myself anymore. That's why I faint then loss my conscious.

Again, Happy Birthday Slyvia Kare Velasco.

-사랑, 덴니비에.😚